Lover of Words

Eleven

3am problems (01)

regretful, isn't it?
how we can't restore the broken pieces anymore
it's guilt for you
that you can't turn back time
to say "I'm sorry"
it's strength for me
that I had saved myself from the pain you caused
was it heavy?
carrying all those answers?
because the questions are,
too heavy that I got so exhausted
that I've hated you
to save me
to breathe
to feel that I am enough
and that I've done nothing wrong
it's too heavy that I've blamed you,
every single day
Did you blame yourself too?
I'm sorry,
maybe it's my greed
to think only about myself
when I could've thought
that maybe you were just hurt as me
I'm sorry
for keeping a blind eye
for the suffering you may have felt
however to be honest,
it's your greed too
to keep everything from me
you run away with all your might
to save yourself
perhaps the both of us
I could've understand
that, the love I felt
and yours just isn't the same
it would've been easier to let you go
it would've been easier to forgive you
it would've been easier to forgive yourself too
were you that afraid of me?
I don't think so,
you were afraid,
of yourself
you didn't want to break me
you didn't want to break your heart either
but, weren't we?
aren't we both broken?
yes, I could speak of forgiveness
and I really did
I tried to get rid of waiting
I've awaken, to a wonderful dream
where you left me in the end
I run to keep pace with your speed of moving forward
but why am I
still writing this?
am I just lying to myself?
darling, just how cruel you are
to leave without a goodbye
just how cruel it is
to lose something
you never really had