Bittersweet // Complete

40.

Chapter 40

For the thousandth time in my life, I wondered what I was doing at Vortex again. Sophie had disappeared into the crowd more than an hour ago, Eleanor hadn't arrived as far as I knew. She hadn't even attended most of her classes as far as I had heard. It was a burned bridge I wasn't ready to fix, so I tried not to think about it. Like, you know, everything else in my life.

To match my dull mood, I hadn't put in any efforts into my appearance for the night, wearing the black skater dress that reminded me of Noah and the winged eyeliner that reminded me of Eleanor and the red lipstick that I wished I could rub away from my face because of the attention it was grabbing.

I sat at the bar again, nursing my mojito, a strong sense of deja vu coming over me. How I wished, Noah would sneak up to me again, dance with me, fingers in his hair and then he would press me against the wall. This time if he asked, I would never make him wait. I'd tell him I wanted to kiss him, and I would tell him how much he hurt me in one breath. I'd let him ruin me, and I had no way of telling if that was the right thing to do.

But it wasn't going to happen. All my wishful thinking deflated when Noah came into my view, looking as gorgeous as ever. God, how was he blessed to look ridiculously beautiful even in the crappy lighting? Without my make up, I looked pasty white, and Noah... Noah looked every bit of a dream in his usual attire. I was not prepared, I was definitely not prepared to revisit the places important to us, especially not when he was there too.

I was even more ill prepared to see another girl emerge from behind and latch on to his arm. Oh my god, I was not ready.

I subtly shifted in my seat to watch them walk, and I hoped I saw indifference in Noah's stance as she was talking presumably to him. But then he said something to her and she laughed and my lungs almost deflated as she grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. I was not ready.

He let go of her once when he was hugging his friends in the weird way only boys do, coming back almost instantly to grab her and take her to the dance floor. This girl did not waste a second, did she? I needed to stop watching them like a fool. It had to stop.

I turned around to my drink, sipping violently enough to cause me chest pain. In seconds, I had finished it, so I flagged down the bartender to get me another drink.

"What do you want, sweetheart?"

I took one look back at Noah, who was so engrossed in his new girl, before responding to the man, "Rum and coke, large drink please."

It was the most dangerous thing ever, given I was already predisposed to slip down this particular slope but when have I ever thought straight when it came to Noah? If a little alcohol helped me survive the night, I'd never drink again. Not until I was completely over Noah.

The drink tasted awful, and my taste buds remembered from when I had taken a sip from my mom's glass when I was sixteen. I was growing up, and I wanted to try. I wanted to know what all the hype was about. I had disliked the taste so much, made quite a show out of hating the drink with the shaking and face pulling. But I never found another open bottle of alcohol lying around the house again. It was always locked up in my mom's room, to keep it out of my reach. I think it was her way of saying, I can't see you make the same mistakes.

Taking a sip from someone's glass as opposed to drinking a whole large drink were phenomenally different experiences, as I realised thirty minutes later when my head started to feel light. I needed air. Taking my bag over my shoulder, I walked carefully towards the exit in the back, already crowded with smokers and stoners alike. I found a quiet spot to rest my head, away from the constant banging inside the club.