Bittersweet // Complete

42

Chapter 42

I have no clue how I reached home alive. I remembered vaguely getting out of Noah's arms and walking out of his house. I was not sure where I took the bus from, nor did I remember where I got off. I reached home close to three in the afternoon, facing a very angry River and a hyped up Nathan pacing around the living room.

"Oh thank god you're here!" Nathan paused when he saw me, typing something on his phone, "Let me call Noah, wait."

"What?"

"He's been looking for you everywhere, where the hell have you been? And you didn't even tell us you'd be out all night we were so worried about you!"

God, I was not ready for this. The human body was only made for handling so many emotions in a day and I had reached my limit. If I tried processing even one more thought, I would literally explode. Feeling the exhaustion weighing me down, I walked past them to my room, despite their protests and incessant questioning.

For good measure, I even locked my room to keep them away. I was tired. Tired didn't even begin to cover it. I thought I'd reached rock bottom last week, but no. This is what rock bottom feels like. It was just me in the abyss, looking up but having no motivation to find a way to the light.

Days blurred. The calendar kept switching dates, I remained the same. November 18th came without warning and I woke up in a cold sweat, ready to kiss my degree goodbye.

Sophie had submitted her assignment before time, and here I was, two minutes before the class starting, trying to create an excuse that would save me. God, where would I be in life if I didn't graduate?

As I prepared myself for a lifetime of homelessness, the class bell rang and I walked in, immediately catching my professor's eye, "Miss Winters?"

Fuck.

"Yes, sir?"

"Would you stay back after class? We need to discuss your grade."

I swallowed the dry panic rising inside me, "Sure."

Sophie gave me a questioning look, but I shook my head, feeling ashamed to admit that I had in fact not submitted the whole damn assignment carrying 60% of my grade. Without the credits from this course, I was not going to make it to the next year. I was failing. Failing.

At this point, I'm not sure if even God could help me if I prayed.

I didn't move a peep in class. In my head was a concrete wall I was painting, and that seemed far more interesting than whatever Prof was talking about. Anyway none of it mattered if I was failing, right? By the time class was ending, I had figured my plan. I'd go to a warmer place. No more New York winters on the streets. I'd pack all my clothes like they do in the hacks video to save space. Getting food on the streets was surprisingly easier than most things, but I would have to find a way to get tampons. I couldn't clean cups properly on the streets. With whatever money I could get, I would get a gym membership. At least I'd have a shower every once in a while.

I wondered if I should make an attempt to sing. Was I any good? Would busking raise any money? God, I wished I was one of those people who were naturally good at singing. Someone only had to record me singing, and put it on the internet. I could go viral and then I'd be rich as fuck. All for singing.

In my daydreaming, I didn't realize class ended till Sophie touched my shoulder, "Should I wait outside?"

"No, I'm going home after this anyway." And it was true, I only ever went to classes that were mandatory to attend and then back home. I had no energy to be around people more than necessary. She had that sad look of pity as she kissed my head and left, looking back once before exiting the room.