Little More Love || Completed

Dear Diary - 03

14-August, 2010
( 11 years ago)

Dear Diary,

I don't know what to write dairy, my heart is aching, my eyes are flooded, my skin is numb, my hands are shivering, I'm nothing more than a just a living corpse.

She left us.

She didn't think about me or daddy or anything, my momma just left us. Everyone had been lying to me, she died last night and they told me today morning, I hate everyone, they never told me about what she was going through.

Every inch of this house is filled with memories of her, the Hall which she decorated with her own hands, the kitchen where she used to place me at the counter and ask me about my day at school, the garden where she used to spend most of her time gardening her roses and orchids. Now whom will my eyes look for when I come back from school.

Jesus I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I will never complain about her food, I will never complain about anything else, please give her back, I will stop eating chocolates, I will eat all the green veggies, I will go to bed on time, I will wake up early in the morning, I swear I will never argue with her, I will do everything she says, please please I need her, I can't live without her, how am I gon-

I don't know nothing, I don't know how to survive without her, now who will protect me from the bad kids who bully me at the school, who will be my tennis buddy, who will surprise me with my favorite pastry when I'm having a bad day, who will sing me a lullaby when I'm having nightmares, who will teach me the importance of our religion, our culture and humanity.

She used to bring me to the Church on weekends where Pastor Fell once said God knows everything, he's watching over us, then why can't he see my tears, why can't he know the pain in those tears. He says God punishes us for our misdeed, then I'm up for my punishment, for the time I used that curse word, for when I broke the glass pot and didn't tell anyone, take me not her, don't do this to my momma.

Diary, I'm on non speaking terms with God, so you tell him that I will never talk to him ever again if he doesn't give my momma back, he can take away all my toys or anything he wants but he just can't take her away! Momma introduced him to me.

No Momma, No God!

And if he thinks I can't be mad at him for too long, I will prove him wrong, he has no idea how strong am I! I won't show a single tear to anyone, and I'll be my Daddy's strength, I know, right now he needs me the most, if I'm feeling like dying I can't even calculate the amount of pain he must be carrying in himself. I can't leave him alone in this time.

We will be each other's strength.

❤❤❤