Think Twice

Chaptet 5

            She sat up and looked around her room at the Jedi temple. She’d been dreaming about him again. It was at least the third time this week that she’d woken up in the middle of the night with him on her mind. She glanced at her chronometer. It was too early to go talk to someone. The dreams were always the same. They’d start out simple, like a replay of one of her times face to face with him, but then they’d get more and more intense or detailed like it was trying to tell her something.

            She’d been resisting telling the council about his involvement on Zygerria. As far as everyone knew, he’d never been there. And she wanted to keep it that way. There’d been fear in his voice when he’d told her where to find her master and the people of Kiros. He’d said it flippantly, you didn’t hear it from me, but she’d felt the fear. Which had to mean he hadn’t just rescued her, he’d gone against his master’s wishes to do so. Or he’d disobeyed his master in some way. He’d talked only of Dooku to the queen, but the Jedi weren’t convinced Dooku was his master. She wasn’t either, if she were honest. He had a certain, distaste, for the count. She’d felt it in his voice whenever Dooku was mentioned. Like he’d grind his teeth together or smother the name to fulfill some deep-seated need for revenge. Despite being on the opposite side of the war, he didn’t even talk about the Jedi that way. 

            What she still didn’t understand though was why? Why had he rescued her? Why had he risked his own mission to do so? The other Jedi feared the Chosen One, because he was powerful. But what if his power could be redirected? She couldn’t shake the way he’d asked her if she was alright. Or the way he’d felt when she’d held him on their ride back to the ship. He was a Sith, but he didn’t feel like one. Not really. He felt… lost… maybe even lonely…

            He could snap in an instant, she knew that. She’d witnessed it first hand when she’d made him angry. When she’d asked him to fight his master, to turn to the light. He’d been upset, but there was more. There was a sense of hopelessness she’d felt beneath his anger. If he was loving his life, if he was enjoying his power and position, why did he feel hopeless? Or lonely? Or lost? Why didn’t he feel evil like the others? Why did she see moments of honesty and tenderness?

            She paced her room. All the questions were going to drive her mad! She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to help him or if she could help him. She didn’t even know if she was supposed to help him. But whether she liked it or not, they’d connected somehow, and she had to try to do something for him. She dropped down on the bed and rubbed her face. She was ashamed to admit this growing need to reach him didn’t even have to do with the war. Wasn’t it a Jedi’s responsibility to help the helpless? He may not be helpless in the typical sense, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was. But she was just a padawan, what could she do without the support of the council?

            She glanced at her chronometer again. Master Yoda would probably be awake, since he never seemed to sleep. He was living proof that you could survive without sleep because the force sustains you. If she went to talk to him, she’d have to admit that he was there on Zygerria. She might even have to admit some of the other stuff, but surely the leader of the Jedi himself, would recognize the opportunity here. Surely that would far outweigh the potential entanglements of their growing attachment. 

            She paused outside the grand master’s door, hoping she wasn’t about to make his life so much worse by telling the Jedi about his help. What if they were to arrest him? Or use this against him? What if this backfired on both of them? She lost her nerve and turned to leave, but Master Yoda called her back before she got very far. She swore softly under her breath and tried to relax.

            She opened the door to his chambers and he pointed his twisted wooden stick at the other meditation poof. She sat down, wrapping her arms around her knees. She didn’t know how to start this conversation. She didn’t know what to say. 

            “Troubled, you are,” he said after a moment.

            “Yes master,” she replied softly. 

            “Why?”

            Such a simple question and yet a million ways to answer it. “I keep dreaming about the Chosen One,” she said finally. 

            “Teach us, dreams do.” Master Yoda opened his eyes and looked at her. “What lesson do yours have?”

            “I’m not sure. It feels like they’re trying to tell me to help him,” she said hesitantly. “I think it might be possible to turn him to the light. If we can free him from his Sith master, we might be able to end the war faster. I know he’s done horrible things and he can’t be a Jedi, but…” she trailed off feeling foolish. She sounded like an idiot. She squeezed her eyes shut knowing what the grand master would say. Lost, he is, to the dark side. She wasn’t convinced that was true though. If a Jedi can be good and fall to the dark side, wouldn’t it be possible for a Sith to come back to the light? Whoever said it was only a one-way trip anyways? “There’s good in him. I can feel it.”

            “Believe this, you do?” he asked.

            “Yes, master,” she said quickly. “Every time I’ve faced him, he’s had at least a dozen opportunities to kill me, but he restrains. The first time, on Kamino… the battle there was a distraction, why waste the energy to kill a padawan? Then again… why not just get me out of the way? But on Christophsis? He should have killed me. I made him mad, I asked him to turn on his master. He knocked me out, but he didn’t finish me.”

            “Curious, this is,” the grandmaster said thoughtfully.

            “There’s more…” she started, taking a deep breath and hoping this wasn’t a mistake. “He was on Zygerria to protect Dooku’s investment, I guess. When master Kenobi, Rex and Cody got caught, he stopped the guards from seeing me too. He helped me complete the mission. He even rescued me. He was the one that told me where to find them and the people of Kiros. He had every reason to leave me behind or to get me out of the way, but his help… it felt real. With the right motivation, surely we could convince him to help us?”

            “Taking a liking to you, he has,” master Yoda said after a moment.

            “I do feel like there’s a connection between us,” she admitted nervously. “Sometimes I can feel things from him.”

            “Use this, we will.”

            “But…”

            “Think on it, I must.” His words were simple, but she’d been dismissed. She got up and left the room. When the door closed behind her, she wanted to shout and throw a fit. Why had she thought the council would actually hear what she said? If they put a plan together for her to trick him in some way, any chance to get him to trust her or them would completely evaporate. She’d known it was a long shot to suggest bringing him to the light, but she was certain that was what the dreams were trying to tell her; that it was possible. And despite the Jedi, she would do whatever it took to do that. As long as she lived, she wouldn’t give up on him.