Think Twice

Chapter 16

            “Anakin.” He glanced to the side at her and then back at the controls as he pulled the ship out of hyperspace near Coruscant. 

            “Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts,” he muttered, preparing the landing sequence. 

            “I’m not,” she said quickly, but he saw her look down at her hands out of the corner of his eye.

            “Then what is it, Snips?”

            “I just want you to know,” she seemed to start carefully. Her tone distracted him from what he was doing, and he finally gave her his full attention. “Whatever happens, down there... I’m not sorry I met you. As crazy as all of this is... I’m not sorry for any of it.”

            He studied her face for a few minutes in silence. She seemed to wipe her eyes like she was trying to stop herself from crying. He furrowed his brow. What would there be for her to be sorry about? She’d done nothing wrong. Maybe to the Jedi order, maybe to the Republic, she was in the wrong, but to him? No, she was perfect. Was she scared? Was she afraid they weren’t going to be able to stop Sidious? Was she afraid they wouldn’t survive this?

            “Why would you be sorry?” he asked, still unsure of just what she was trying to say. 

            “I said I’m not sorry!” She crossed her arms. 

            “But what are you not sorry about that you obviously feel you ought to be sorry about?” he smirked at her. 

            She looked at him both in annoyance and also frustration. Then she sighed and dropped her shoulders. “I don’t know how to explain it and we don’t have time for me to figure it out.”

            He reached forward and pulled back on the controls, slowing the ship. Then he shut down the power and let it drift. Sure, time was of the essence in the sense that now that they were here in orbit, it wouldn’t be long before Sidious sensed them. But he wasn’t about to start a fight like this without understanding where she was mentally. She stared out the window for a moment, her eyes widening and then she looked at him. 

            “Why’d you stop?”

            “Because I want to understand.” She blushed and looked down at her hands. 

            “I told you I don’t know how to explain it,” she whispered.

            He leaned back in the chair and put his hands behind his head. “Then I guess we’ll be floating here awhile until you figure it out.”

            She scowled at him. “I thought you wanted to stop him? I thought you wanted to be free? We’re wasting time...” 

            He flashed her a look and she trailed off. “From the first moment Sidious hurt my mother, I’ve thought of nothing but destroying him. I’ve come so far, worked so hard for a dream that it was possible to escape him,” he said after awhile. “There’s nothing I want more, but...”

            “But what?” She seemed to suck in a breath like she was hanging on his every word. 

            He looked up at her perfect face, feelings welled to the surface. Feelings he ought not to be feeling. He didn’t want to be afraid, he didn’t want to second guess everything. Part of him wanted to just take her and run away. Who really cared if Sidious was stopped or not? As long as he was with her, it didn’t matter. Sidious would try to use his feelings for her against him. He’d try to control him by hurting her, just like he’d done with his mother.