Think Twice

Chatper 11

            She looked down at her hand when he squeezed it. She didn’t want to think about the future, the future scared her. Truth be told, all of this scared her.  Being on the run with someone so unpredictable and dangerous? Knowing that she couldn’t go back to the Jedi and explain what happened? And now... after everything he’d told her, she didn’t want to go back. But she still believed in what they taught and following a Sith around was a frightening prospect, even if she didn’t believe he was inherently bad. It was just a matter of figuring out how to untangle his training in the Sith arts from who she really believed him to be. 

            She’d told him to let go of his hatred but after the torture he’d endured, his pain and anger were easily justified. If only there was a way to teach him to channel it into something better than death and violence. But as he’d said more than once, and people seemed to love to point out, she was just a padawan. Had been... past tense. She shivered nervously. She had been nowhere near becoming a master. Was she strong enough in her own faith and beliefs to guide him to the light alone. The thing was, it wasn’t him that terrified her nearly as much as her fear that she’d lose herself trying to save him. 

            She tipped her head back and closed her eyes. All she could do was trust in the force and hope that it would guide her and keep her firmly rooted. The force had led her to him. Maybe everything that had happened was meant to? It had brought them together repeatedly, and repeatedly they’d beaten the odds and helped each other. Did that mean she was meant to bring him to the light or that he was meant to lead her into the dark? Maybe she’d never been firmly rooted. Not if she’d been so willing to want to help him when everyone wiser than her told her not to.

            She turned to look at him. He was staring straight ahead, his jaw clenched like he was worried about something. “Anakin?” she whispered. He glanced at her. His golden eyes weren’t quite so scary anymore. Maybe they weren’t even as golden anymore. Instead of anger and hatred, she saw fear. She swallowed her question since his eyes had answered it anyways. Was he afraid? Yes, he was. At least that meant he was less likely to turn on her because he didn’t seem to have any hidden plans or motives. “Will you train me?”

            “To be a Sith?” he asked in surprise.

            “No, just with my lightsabers,” she said quickly. “As you’ve mentioned before, I’m weak with my left hand. No matter how hard I practice I can’t seem to get it to click. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. That move you showed me, on Christophsis, I practiced it a lot after that. It helped my defense considerably. The Jedi...” she trailed off feeling stupid. She didn’t want to admit that she felt the Jedi hadn’t really helped her with her lightsaber combat. And it wasn’t that Master Kenobi wasn’t a good fighter, he just preferred talking to fighting. So most of their practice sessions were spent more knee deep in the history of a form rather than learning how to use that form. “I want to help you beat Sidious, whoever he is, but if you couldn’t beat him alone, I definitely won’t be very helpful as I am. I promise I’ll work hard.”

            She chewed on her lip as he watched her for a few minutes expressionless. Then to her surprise, he smiled. Maybe it was more a smirk, but either way, it was better than being yelled at or told off. “Okay Snips,” he said finally. 

            They cleared as much space in the cargo hold as they could manage and he went to go check the computer to make sure everything was still working as intended. She took a deep breath hoping she wasn’t making a mistake asking him to train her. But what harm could come from learning how to better use her lightsabers? The forms themselves didn’t require certain ideologies to use. And after how much improvement she’d seen with his other suggestion, she was actually excited to learn from him.