Think Twice

Chapter 14

            “Master! Er... uh... Anakin...” He peeked one eye open at her when she trailed off. She was standing in the doorway, chewing on her lip, looking as though she was dealing with some guilt or grappling with some moral quandary.

            “Did you just call me master?” He tried not to smirk. 

            “Yes,” she squeaked, struggling to make eye contact. She took a deep breath and he watched her bemused as she struggled with it. “Well you kind of are, I mean you’ve been teaching me.”

            He untangled his long body from his meditative position and got to his feet. She watched him shifting nervously as he made his way towards her. “As nice as being your master sounds,” he started, “you don’t need one.”

            “But I’m still just a padawan, there’s so much more I have to learn.” He watched her face as it dawned on her what she was saying; the silent ‘oh’ nearly killed him inside. He wanted to be frustrated with her that she couldn’t let go of the Jedi, but he supposed maybe he didn’t fully understand why she missed it. Maybe he needed to.

            From the moment he’d rescued her from jail, he’d been constantly telling her the way she saw the world was wrong. Despite that, she also had proved more than once, that he might not have it all figured out either. He certainly didn’t understand the light side at all. All he knew was the way the Jedi touted it and then did nothing to stop the horrors he’d been forced to both experience and bear witness too. 

            Sidious’ cruelty had helped him establish what felt like an infinite ocean of hatred, but he’d also twisted that hatred so that he himself, had turned it on the Jedi. So, he hated Sidious, but he also hated the Jedi for making him hate Sidious so much more. And in that way, Sidious held his leash, even as he ran from him now. 

            He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him, her eyes watery like she might cry. He didn’t want her to cry. He pulled her into a hug and she buried her face in his shirt. 

            “Why don’t you show me how Jedi meditate?” he asked, trying to distract her. “You be the master tonight.”

            “You want to learn how to be a Jedi?” She sounded surprised. 

            “Not really,” he said quickly. “But I do want to learn from you.”

            She chewed on her lip for a moment. “What could I teach you? You’ve already told me that thinking like a Jedi won’t stop what’s coming.”

            “Yeah, but after what happened... thinking like a Sith won’t either.” He sat back down on the floor and crossed his legs, gesturing to the space in front of him. She hesitated a moment and then sat, her knees almost touching his. “Do you ever think that maybe neither the Jedi nor the Sith, know everything? Maybe there’s some kind of middle ground. Like a balance between the two.”

            “You really think it’s a good idea for both of us to start questioning our beliefs now?”

            “Probably not,” he laughed. “But I also think that maybe if we don’t, we won’t beat him.” He reached out and took her hands in his, running his fingers along the back of them. He might never get tired of the way they felt like they belonged there. The touch so simple, but it comforted him on the deepest level. She watched him rub her hands for a few minutes and then he noticed her studying him intensely.