Wonderland (Troyler)

Chapter 32

TROYES POV:

It actually felt really good to tell someone how I was feeling, though Tyler didn't know I was still depressed. I don't think?

I look over at Tyler and he's already smiling at me. I smile back at him weakly.

"So when is your meet and greet tomorrow" Tyler asks breaking the silence between us.

"6:30pm to 9:00pm I'm pretty sure"

"Awesome! Are you in the green or orange lineup"

I reply "green"

"Sweet! Will be right next to each other"

Tyler gets up. "Well I better get going, it's getting late and I can't be tired for tomorrow"

I through a fake smile at him.

"Yeah" was all I said.

Before he leaves, he turns around and looks at me for a couple seconds, then speaks.

"Troye, if you ever feel sad again, fill free to talk to me anytime"

I just nod, then watch him exit my room.

When the door shuts I fall on my back feeling exhausted as if I just ran ten miles.

That was really stressful for me to tell someone that, especially when I literally met them this week, but it wasn't weird because it felt like I knew him all my life, I felt a connection between us, but it's probably just me.

I grab a water bottle out of the mini fridge and take a couple sips at a time.

I don't want to tell Tyler still depressed, and would grab the razor blade just by seeing one nasty twitter mention, I saw how heartbroken he was when I showed him my cuts, and I hate to see someone who I love so much, hurt so badly. I put others peoples happiness before mine, but right now, I need someone to do that for me.

I get into bed and closet eyes, I'm really tired, but I just fucking know it's one of those sleepless nights were it stay up till five in the morning, filling my mind with bad thoughts, and build up anxiety in my brain that doesn't necessarily exist.

I always think of where I'm gonna be in the future, will I be dead before I'm thirty, will I still feel this way when I'm 50? When will this pain end. It's like a big spiral of darkness and despair I'm getting sucked into deeper and deeper as time goes on.

I toss and turn, but nothing is working.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I deserve this? I keep thinking to myself that if this pain and suffering that is taking over my life continues, then that's when my life won't.
***********************************************************okay that wasn't the best chapter but my wifis down and that should be a problem for my shitty writing but I think I might keep this story mainly in Troyes POV and do Tyler's occasionally if that's okay :)