The notebook of a flarus boy

Dear Tommy

AUTHOR'S POV

It was finally over. Janson, Ava Paige, The W.I.C.K.D. It was all behind them now.

But there he was, Thomas, sitting on a wooden bench in the safe heaven, far from happy.

He wasn't happy. And never will be again.

He was healed. No intern or extern injuries. But on the inside, he was broken and it was too late to save him.

He will never be the same.

His other half, the boy he loved is now gone. He sacrificed his life for this place, this place that they call the safe heaven. Thomas knew Newt would have been happy for him. Thomas and all the people he loved was there safe and sound.

But Thomas is not. He died that night with him. He died with him when he killed himself with that knife so he wouldn't hurt Thomas.

His Tommy.

This nickname that he would never hear again. All of that wouldn't have happen if he wouldn't have given his trust to Teresa. So she wouldn't have betrayed them and Newt wouldn't have got the bloody virus. And he would be with him now instead of buried under him.

The truth is, even if he had been through hell, he would rather go back in that hell and be with Newt again than be like this, alone and blaming himself for what happened.

He just couldn't live without his blondie by his side.

But the worst of all for Thomas, is that he loved Newt. He was madly in love with him. But he hide it. He decided to hide his true self because people, his people needed a leader. He didn't have the time to deal with his own emotions and personal life.

But he should have been. He should have told Newt that he loved him before he was too late.

But he didn't.

He was there when he died and that's when he realized he should have said it. He said it actually, but it was too late. Newt was already dead on the ground.

While Thomas was in his thoughts, he gently played with the necklace that Newt gave him not long before dying. Inside of it, he discovered that a note was inside. A note that Newt wrote that broke his heart even more. Newt simply told him in his letter that he was thankful to have met somebody like Thomas and to had the chance to be friends with him. He also told him that it was fine with him if he was dying. It was more the fact of loosing himself to the virus. That's what scared him the most.

And Thomas noticed it way before reading that letter. The day Newt got mad after Thomas about Teresa and went on the roof, he noticed the guilt and the shame in his eyes. Something he has never seen from Newt's eyes. He apologized many times to Thomas after that. Even though he confirmed with Newt that it was fine, it's like he couldn't believe it. He doubted himself, scared that could happen again.

But Thomas still felt a deception inside of him. Not because of Newt fighting with him, but the reason of it. Thomas thought at first that Newt was showing some jealousy. Of course, he didn't appreciated Newt slamming him against a wall in front of all of the others, but he was somehow a bit glad because he thought Newt loved him. But maybe it was a false alarm. Duh! What Thomas thought! A handsome man like Newt wasn't gay! Thomas was sure that if they were in a real world, with schools and many teenagers together, Newt could have all the girls he would have wanted.

But unfortunately they weren't in a world like that and Newt wasn't a part of it anymore.

Newt also said in his letter that Thomas deserved to be happy. And that if he could do it all over again he would. In a heartbeat. He then thanked him again for being his friend and wrote his last goodbye with his name under it.