That Lake

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I want to go back.
Fall back onto old roads.
Fall into that frigid lake-
Because at least it's safe-
And numbing.

I want to swim laps in that ice-
I don't care if I freeze-
It will feel better than I do right now.

I was having a good night-
By the fire,
But all of a sudden,
Those spikes spouted in my brain.
They cut off every ambition-
Every thought-
Other than cold.

I want to turn my back-
Turn from the heat,
I don't deserve it.

I see that stupid water-
Out of the corner of my eye,
And just like a princess-
I want to go running back to it.

I try to be a warrior,
But isn't that what got me into this mess in the first place?
By pushing-
Instead of succumbing?
By trying to be something-
Worth something?

I just want to go sprinting-
Into that ice...

I just want to go sprinting-
Into open arms.

I just want a hug...

No.
I don't deserve a warm embrace.

Just icy chilled, fingers-
That welcome me into their depths,
Where they will pull me down-
Until I must fight for air again.

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