My Path To Serenity

Chapter eighteen

December 23rd, 2006 12:00 pm

I eagerly reached into the box of old Christmas decorations and handed the angel to Oliver. Despite growing up most of my childhood to only one or two presents under the tree, my mother still made a way to keep that Christmas spirit. My sister, Benjamin, and I would wake our parents as early as six in the morning to open our gifts from Santa. We thought they would be just as eager as us. Mom managed to hide her and Dad's fights about his addiction for the most part, and she would just sit on the couch with a groggy smile and cup of coffee in her hands, watching our face light up as we unwrap each box from Santa Claus. She knew how much Christmas meant to us. Charlotte picked him up and encouraged him to place the decoration on top of the Christmas tree, and his eyes twinkled at the yellow lights glistening off of it.

Jasper pulled the sugar cookies out of the oven and set the tray on the counter, and Oliver pitter pattered over to the kitchen. I looked over at Jasper grabbing a cookie off the tray and I smiled to myself. "What?" He chuckled, eyeing me. He walked over to me and cupped my face with his hands as he looked into my eyes. "It felt so heartwarming shopping in the baby department this Christmas," I told him soft. "It feels so good to finally do the things I've been dreaming my entire life of doing. "I wish Tristian were here to celebrate with us," Charlotte said from across the room. I walked over to her and handed her a sugar cookie in hopes of cheering her up. "I'm sure you do," I sympathized. "But he's bettering himself in there, and that's all that matters." Charlotte shrugged as she set the plate of cookies down, too upset to eat. "Visitation hours are from two o'clock until four. We can go visit him then." Oliver frowned, "daddy's gone?" It broke my heart to hear his sweet, innocent, voice use such shameful words. Charlotte nodded. "Just for now, alright? He'll be home soon." He started crying but she quickly comforted him in her arms. "He wasn't thinking of anyone but himself that night," Jasper chimed in. "He wasn't even thinking of himself," Charlotte said soft, staring at the Christmas tree.

The drive to Meadow Fall's rehabilitation center was a long one. A two hour drive turned into a three hour drive with how many bathroom breaks and wrong turns we took. The city was a little strange me to me, because of how empty it looked. If you wanted to run to a grocery store for something simple like milk or bread, you won't be there for quite a few miles. This place was a ghost town. Charlotte stared out the window with her headphones in, Oliver was passed out in his car seat, and I was in the passenger seat invested in the sixth chapter of my parenting book. That was until I heard Jasper shout out loud, "damn it!" I jumped, startled. "I went the wrong way again. I should've turned left instead of right." I smacked my forehead, exhausted. "Then turn around and go the right way Jasper," I suggested, seemingly impatient and tired. "It's already two thirty, we should've been there by now." He looked down at the gas gage then back at the road straight ahead. "I think we have to hit a gas station first." I looked around at the few beggars on the street and the abandoned buildings we passed. "Where's the nearest gas station?" I asked him, grabbing a hold of the map off his lap. "It says there isn't one for another ten miles." Charlotte took out her head phones and asked me if everything is okay. "Yeah, but we're late. Like really late." Charlotte sat back and sunk in the backseat, resting her elbow on the side of the door. When we pulled up to the rather run down gas station, there wasn't a single car at the pumps. "I'm gonna go in there and put twenty on pump one," he told us as he unbuckled his seat belt. "Do you want me to just get the gas? You've been driving all day," I offered. "I need so stretch anyway." "Get me a bottled water, please." He went in the gas station and I reviewed the map amongst myself. "We'll be there in ten minutes, okay?" I assured Charlotte, but she was passed out in the backseat. Boredom must've gotten to her. I looked over at Oliver, who was snuggling with his favorite plush teddy bear, and I couldn't help but smile. One day my baby will be in this backseat. I turned up the radio station just a little, but the static overpowered the song. Frustrated, I turned the dial all the way down and exhaled slowly, gathering my patience together. I tapped my fingers on the passenger side door as my eyes curiously wandered my surroundings. A man in a bundled up coat was walking his German Shepard, and another woman was lighting up a cigarette across the street, but that's really all there was to see. There weren't any cars in sight. I leaned my head back and tried to embrace the quietness. I let my mind tune out my thoughts for a moment during the stillness, and gently closed my eyes while I took in another deep breath. I had forgotten how beautiful silence really is. So often I either have the television running, music playing, distracting thoughts creating noise in my head, or pointless chatter filling up what could be quiet. Jasper came back with a couple bottles of water and a fifty cent hostess cake. "Alright, let's get this show on the road." He strapped in his seat belt and we continued on to the drive to Meadow Falls. I knew Jasper was angry at Tristian for putting himself in this place and disrespecting all of us, but the fact he willingly came along for the drive with us showed he had some sense of compassion in his heart for the kid.