UNDER MY CONTROL ✔

Chapter : 1

Fear

A single word will never be enough to describe him.....

Nervousness

That's what I feel in front of him.....

Helplessness

Is what, he leaves me into.....

Humiliation

Is the only thing, he knows to show me.....

Tortures

Are what he have planned for me...&

Control

Is what, he is trying to do with my life...

(His hands shaking badly as he was writing with already tearful pretty eyes, in his diary)

Will I survive? How will I survive?

I don't know and never matters, till she is safe. My love's safety, well being and happiness are everything for me.

And accept this, I don't have any other option left. I had to leave her or else I would have drag her together with myself more in this endless pit of shame. She was never meant to be with me since the day we met.

Her sky never meant to shine under my name. I can't able to lighten her life. Thought it hurts like hell to be away from her but it's still good seeing her living without tension and stress instead of being here with me and see her waking up every morning, scared to death. I was supposed to bring happiness in her life and beautiful smile on her lips but what did I do?

Anyway, I'm happy for her because she is getting married with a well known successful businessman who is famous for his kind nature, not arrogant and vengeful like him. Now I can be at ease, knowing well that monster can't reach her. But what to with my heart who was aching just with the thought of her not having by my side. Our tiny room, which we had shared together for the whole three months, will turned into just a room from our little peaceful home. No one will wait for me there, no one complaint me to come home early, no whining over feeding, no laughing or comments on each other's fear and just no one to care for me.

I'm sorry! I proved myself a worthless boyfriend in your eyes by doing this. I remember very well, your crying eyes, pleadings, begging to not let you go with your Mom and trust me, that was tearing my soul, hurting like hundreds of needles were entering my body but I couldn't do anything. It's for your own good. I should have take this decision early, then you wouldn't have to go through the tortures with me. If he haven't freed us that day, I'm afraid, you would have...I can't even think of loosing you. So it's much better to see you living a good life with someone who truly cares for you and could keep you safe and happy, your entire life which I certainly couldn't.

I can't even see you last time as I was moving to my village, to live with them. They r lonely so am I. My Mom's health is not too good and Dad, he never cares for anything, till it concerns his own need. I diss him but I can't let him die on streets. That's not the only reason to shift there. Many things happened after you left.

He has made my company in which I was working, go bankrupt. I was out of job but didn't give up. I try finding other jobs but either ended up being rejected with no clear and satisfying reason or being insulted and dragged away from there saying I have a bad reputation, that am a gold digger and tried to trap you in my love game. How could I stand all this? And for how long?

I gave up applying for jobs, and started doing two-three part time jobs as a bartender, waiter, and a caretaker for night but within just a week, I was fired from each and every single place. I didn't know the reason at first but then his words from our last conversation, made it clear. He wanted me to go and plead to him. He said he wanted to be the only person to decide everything for me and that someday, I would myself give him the rights willingly, not really but forcing myself to give in to him myself, is known as willing in his eyes. Anyway, that's not all.

I remained jobless for three days, hiding myself in my tiny rented room and never went out for once. The month was still not over yet, and I was asked to pay my rent fully by the landlord. Now tell me, a person who was under such pressure, having no job, no future plans and no food, how could he fulfill the demands of the owner. As a result, I spend my next few nights, sleeping on the street side without any food to eat, just a little bag pack of mine full of some pairs of clothes. No where to go, I have decided to return back to my village but for that I have to pay for bus and train's fare. An here I have not a single penny in my pocket.

Don't worry love, I still managed to earn it through cleaning dishes of the roadside food stalls. They were very nice. They can't provide me permanent job but they care for my hungry tummy and hand me a plateful of delicious meal without deducting my pay. But that was still not enough because I can't visit my home with empty hands. So I ended up doing heavy labour under a construction site and am glad that they allowed me and even paid me well.

Now, am happy as even I couldn't find a job to do, after reaching my home, it won't be a problem for almost two three months, if we don't spend unnecessary and am sure Mom will not that type of person. She would understand the situation without even my or anyone's expressing. But I can't tell anything about my Dad. His drinking habit, can Create some difficulties I think.

Anyway, I think I can manage everything tho that's a lie. I used to think likewise before when I was together with you but failed miserably.
Still having high hopes.

So, am leaving. You should forget me and start your new life as soon as possible. I will wish and pray for your successful happy marriage life but forgive me for not able to forget you ever. I can't. Leaving you was not my heartfelt choice and forgetting you was still same. You were my breathing and now your remembrance and memories are my source of living. I will live just to see you happy from afar or hear your voice, secretly. Thank you for coming in my life, being with me and leaving me as per my decision.

But nothing can change the fact that I loved you and will love you my entire life. No one can replace your place and no one deserve my love except you. If you will not be in my life, I will never let someone else enter in it.

Taking our beautiful memories whether they r sweet or bitter, lovely or painful, I'm leaving this place.

Good bye.....

The boy closed her diary and put it inside his little bag placed under his head on the train seat while wiping his face covered with hot fresh tears and laid down, hugging himself as the weather was cold and he had nothing to wrap himself except the full sleeves blue shirt, which he was wearing with a rigid old jean and a pair of worn out shoes. A black, old fashioned watch was over his wrist and his small keypad phone lying safely in his bad with the fear of being stolen. He closed his tired and sleepless eyes to get some sleep as the route was long and temperature seemed to be increasing more and more. Deep slumber will help him in not realising the chilled weather. Sure enough, he drifted into dreamland where he was still together with his girlfriend and his love of life, Jiyang Amy, where he, Xiao Zhan was still carefree and where he hadn't encountered the monster and the controller of his life, Wang Yibo....

To be continued...

Guys, chapters will be short but updates would be frequent and I will make sure of it. Just Xiao Zhan's POV in the whole chapter and his heartbreaking feelings. In next chapter, story will be started going. 😀

Thank you for reading. 🙏🙏

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Good night/day sweethearts❤❤❤