𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄. 𝙟𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙖

chapter eleven

olivia rodrigo

i looked at josh, and smiled. i had the dream boy, he was respectful and hot, like damn. i really scored.

he was scrolling through my instagram, and stopping at songs, he was on drivers license. his face formed a frown.

i never felt this way, for no one.

josh went through a few more, and was now on white flowers, i remember this one. he told me that i needed to depend on him less.

white flowers and love letters
you say i'm yours forever
but it dont feel romantic some how.

he wrote a song about it, actually two. but he was on gross now, "I LOVE THIS SONG!" he said, and i chuckled.

he went to apocalyptic crush, and laughed, and then went on my tiktok, i guess he wanted to hear all my songs?

creature of habit.

oh shit, he didn't hear this one, and i didn't expect him too. this was before we made amends, "i haven't heard this one." he said, and i sunk back.

i felt bad.

you'll say you love me after these months of apathy

he finished the song, and i sighed, "sorry." i said, looking down at my fingers and playing with my rings.

"what's there to be sorry about? we write songs for a living." he said, and i nodded, and he showed me a private tiktok.

"i wrote this, but i know the fans are obsessed with picking out every detail so i put it in private." he said.

he looked sad.

white flowers and love letters
i said "your mine forever"
it felt romantic, somehow.
you're pacing and your loosing sleep.

if i don't call, you start to weep.
you're everything i cannot be without.
i don't know who i would be, if you werent my baby.
you built your life on my attention.

i told you that loving you was heaven
you said it was hell
i only told you to distance yourself
so you didn't depend on me

we write these silly little songs
but never speak about it
i told her i loved her
but i thought of you

i even said your name.

i'm still in love with you
cant you see?
she's not my baby
loving you was heaven

but now it's hell.

i felt the tears, but didn't let them fall, and i looked at the date.

9.27.20

"josh, were you in love with me while with sabrina?" i asked, and he sighed, "yeah, i didn't really like her like that, it was more of a rebound thing." josh said.

i nodded.

i got out my guitar, and went live, "hey guys! i'm gonna sing a bunch of songs, let's start with ours by taylor swift."

i got through most of the song but ushered josh over.

and life makes love look hard
the stakes are high
the waters rough
but this love is ours

i sang with him, and the fans were freaking out, like the good kind. i finished the song and josh kissed me.

i smiled, and kissed him again after i pulled away, "i love you." i said, "i love you too." he said, and the fans were super happy.

but then the age comments came in.

i sighed, "guys, josh and i's relationship is not sexual and never has been, so we can date. plus, i'm about to be 18 in february." i said, it was obviously making me mad.

"liv, i got this." josh said, "guys, i know you are concerned but we are allowed to date by utah and california laws." he said, and i nodded.

"plus, like liv said, we have never had a sexual relationship, because she's not the legal age of consent." he felt bad lying, i could tell.

"okay, next song!" i said, and someone said to play gross. "josh can you get my phone?" i asked, and he nodded as i walked over to the piano.

"sing with me?" i asked, "you're the only person i want to sing with, baby." josh said, and i blushed.

i clapped the beginning rhythms and he hummed along with me.

i wanna do everything with you
take the highs i'll take the lows
give you the most
oh baby, i like you so much it's kinda gross.

and driving in your car i feel all grown up
is it me or does this feel more than highschool love
not gonna lie, your last name sounds so nice
i bring you up in every conversation

we're young i know we got to be patient

(italics are what they sang together, bold is what olivia sang.)

we finished out the song and i added someone to my live, it was someone called rise_channel.

"so, is it confirmed? did you guys write all those songs about each other?" and i looked at josh as he was hugging on me from behind.

"yes." i said, "expect a few." josh said, and he sat down next to her, and i played the intro to common sense with her guitar.

we sang a few more songs and got off.

"we should make a relationship timeline on one of our youtubes." i said, and josh nodded, "i'll film it, who's channel?" i asked.

"mine." he said, as we set up to film. we needed to set the record straight, and it was not gonna be done justice in an instagram post.

"hey guys!" we said together.