[The screen shows Mario in his kart, covered with little bits of cactus around him, as he continues pulling Bessie along the road, while "Find Yourself" is playing.]
Mario: Turn right to go left. Guess what. I tried it. You know what? This crazy thing happened... I went right!
Toadette: You keep talking to yourself, people'll think you're crazy!
Mario: Thanks for the tip.
Toadette: What? I wasn't talking to you!
[Meanwhile, Luigi uses his hook to get the "Luigi's Ghost Busting & Salvage" sign upright while and watch him.]
Luigi: [groans as he pulls his sign upright, then passes gas] Oh, Lord! [Then the sign tilts to the other side. Luigi laughs] Huh?
Waluigi: Luigi?! I need you to watch the prisoner tonight.
Luigi: Well, Dad Gum! Wait a minute, what if he tries to run again?
Waluigi: Just let his kart run outta gas and tow him on back. But keep an eye on him.
Luigi: Yes, sir! [closes one eye, and keeps the other open] Unh!
[Waluigi sighs, and walks away]
Mario: While I'm stuck here paving this stinking road, Bowser's on Mario Circuit schmoozing galaxy. My galaxy! [feels something] WHOA WHOA WHOA! Who's touching me?! [A blue toad then pops up beside him. He was spinning each of Mario's kart tires to get the cactus bits off them, and uses a spray can on the tires.]
Toad: You have a slow leak. My team, they fix. You make a such a nice new road. You come to my shop. I take a good care of you. Even though you not drive a Ferrari. [to Mario] You buy four tires, I give you a full size spare absolutely free!
Mario: Look, I get all my tires for free.
Toad: [chuckles and gasps] I like your style, Eu? You drive the hard bargain. Okay, I make you a new deal. You buy one tire, I give you three for free!
Mario: No, no, no, no. Deal me out. Pass. No, thank you.
Toad: No, no, no, no, no. This is it, my last offer. You buy one tire, I give you 7-a snow tire for all free! Done. You interested, you call me. You know where I am.
[Toad and his team then leave. Mario exhales deeply. Suddenly, a burst of water is shot out at Mario, causing most of the cactus pieces on him to come off of his kart.]
Mario: Stop! Let me--! [Then the water stops, as Mario coughs. The screen then turns around to show Peach, Donkey Kong, and Diddy Kong, who were shooting water at Mario to get him clean.]
Peach: [noticing a cactus piece on Mario's hood] Oh, guys! You missed a spot, see it right there? On the hood right there.
Mario: No, no!
[Donkey Kong then starts shooting water at Mario again, struggling to get the cactus piece off Mario's hood.]
Mario: : NO! Stop! Stop! That cold! Help! Please stop! [Finally, the cactus piece comes off, and Donkey Kong stops. Mario coughs and sputters]
Peach: Thanks, guys. [The Kongs then leave]
Mario: What was that for?!
Peach: Do you want to stay at the Toadstool Motel, or what?
Mario: Huh?
Peach: And if you do, you gotta be clean. 'Cause even here in hillibilly hell we have standards.
