Jopper : You make my heart skip a beat

Chapter 17

"Can you take deep breaths for me?" Hopper asked Joyce, guiding her to sit on the kitchen stool. She took in a shaky breath, her knees being knocked gently from beneath her as they hit the seat of the stool. Her tears threatening to fall. I can't cry. Not now. Not in front of him. He can't see me like this. A pathetic, weak woman, crying over her son who is probably safe and sound. But I can't help it. I'm weak.

"In and out" he took a large inhale and released it through his mouth, showing her. God, why is he so sweet. He's so caring. And I'm terrifying him by subsiding into a mess of tears. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve the man I love.

"In and out..." he said, his eyes never leaving hers. She knew how worried he was. It was written all over his scrunched face. That face. Hopper spoke softly, trying to reassure her. "You're ok, Joyce. I won't let anything happen to you..or or family." As much as she wanted to believe him, her conscience said he couldn't promise that. No one can make that promise. Not even me..

"I promise." No doubt was hidden in his voice. He truly believes, with all his whole heart. That he can protect me. He can't promise that. Not after what happened to Bob. Or Barb. Or Benny. And everyone else killed because of this f* up other dimension and evil government experiments on children with psychic abilities who just wanted to live a normal childhood. One where they're not poked and prodded. Hopper can't promise he will protect me. And I can't lose him too. It would kill me. And if he died for me... Or even worse. If he died because of me... I'd never forgive myself.

"H-hop?" She reached out for his hand. She needed to hold him. To touch him. To make sure him wasn't going to disappear right in front of her. Like all of her indescribable nightmares. She needed him close to her. She needed him to comfort her. And as much as she knew she shouldn't. I need him.

He grasped her shaking hand in his big hand, rubbing smooth circles across the top of hers. It was oddly comforting and brought her reassurance. He was there with her. He wasn't doing to disappear into a puff of smoke that evaporates slowly into the light breeze that would brush against her skin, in her nightly nightmares.

"I'm here, Joyce." He placed a gentle hand on her cheek, forcing her to look deep into his blue eyes. She hesitated. I can't look him in the eye. My tear brimmed eyes would turn into a free flowing waterfall that no one could possibly stop.

But she looked at him. Really looked at him for the first time since their 'almost kiss'. I love him. So much. And I don't even have the guts to tell him. I should. I should before... something else happens. If he goes..before I tell him. I'll hate myself for the rest of my damned days. She slide her bottom lip in between her teeth, biting softly. Nervousness overtaking her brain. Never breaking eye contact with those beautiful, ocean eyes, that she could stare into all day. Those eyes I could swim in for all eternity. Those eyes I wish I could dive into and stay forever. Basked in his room-filling presence.

It made her want to kiss him. Just by looking in those eyes. I want to kiss Jim Hopper more than I've ever wanted food or water. I want to kiss Jim Hopper. All I want is to kiss him. Just live in a perfect moment forever. My family all together, me cuddled up against the love of my life. His large hand wrapped around mine. Our fingers intertwined. Raising our three kids until they grow old enough to leave and explore this world. Leaving the two of us together. Forever. Hopper and me, together. His presence beside me everyday, protecting me. His body beside mine as we sleep throughout a peaceful night. God, I want that life so badly. A life filled with love. Something Joyce...has never experienced. The only true love she's felt has been for her three kids and of course. The man she's been in love with her whole life. Jim Hopper.

"Hopper, Joyce?" El called from the living room breaking the two adults, out of their slightly, entranced state. Seriously. Those kids. Always perfect timing.

"Yeah, El?" Hopper never took his eyes off her. And she found herself, unable to look away.

"Are you guys coming to watch the rest of the movie?" She asked. Joyce could tell she was worried. El's so like Hopper. She's so sweet and concerned about everyone around her. But what Joyce didn't know. The thing Joyce didn't seem to understand. The thing Joyce couldn't seem to notice. To fully comprehend. Was that El and Hopper were so alike in the way, that the people they were so concerned with. The people they worried about when they're in pain. When they're suffering. When they're grieving. When they're stuck in a dark place they can't seem to escape. Are... the people they truly love with every ounce of their beings.

He waited for confirmation from Joyce that came in the form of a brief nod. He turned his head to the doorway, calling, "Yeah, we'll be in, in a minute."

Turning back to Joyce, he spoke gently. "Karen said she'd keep us updated on Jonathan. She'll call when there's news. He's going to be ok." Joyce dried her eyes with her sleeve and stood from the stool. I have to be brave. For El and Will. "You're right, Hopper. Thank you." She smiled sadly at him, walking back into the living room.

Hopper following close behind her, only to find El and Will still rooted in the same positions, staring at them worriedly. They're always so worried. They still so young they shouldn't have to worry about their friends or their parents ore each other. Hopper sensing their worry, spoke. "We're ok, kids." He and Joyce sat down, side by side, cuddled close together. "We're going to be ok."

They seemed to believe this as they turned back to the movie, eyes never leaving the screen. Hopper chuckled lightly under his breath, but that didn't prevent Joyce from hearing him.

"What's so funny?" She whispered in his ear. "Just the fact they can't keep their eyes off the damn screen for two seconds." He whispered back, making her giggle light-heartedly. "I know. They love this movie too much." He makes me too happy. Why does he make me so happy? And what about Jonathan? It's not right for me to be happy when he could be stuck in the cold, freezing snow or trapped in his ice cold car on the side of the road... or worse.

She was dragged out of her horrifying thoughts when Hopper slid his hand into hers, clasping it firmly in his. They were holding hands, the blanket keeping their joined hands hidden from their kids. Holy f*ing sh*! We are holding hands. The intertwined hands were hidden from the outside world. And I like it.