Just some short storys

For you

I'm writing this letter, knowing that I won't see your face when you're opening it.

I don't want to die but I know I will. Since the day I have been diagnosed, we know it would happen. Now, every day is hard for me. Everything, even just eating, fells like something incredible hard to do. But with you, I know that I can do it. You are the one who gives me the strength to go through every new day. I hope you know that I adore you. Every time I look at you, I see the strongest person I've ever known.

And I'd love to see us grow up, marry, maybe get children. I really do, but I know I won't happen. And I know this simple letter won't make the pain go away. It won't make it better but I just want to tell you how much I love you. I do, with all of my heart. You showed me how to see things differently, how to feel positive, even when is bad. Really bad. Together we are strong. Even on bad day you stay by my side, even though I wouldn't even be mad if you leave. Gosh. I must be incredible annoying sometimes. When I forget words, when I'm sleeping while you speak, when I break down and you have to carry me into our bedroom because im too weak to go by myself. But you're here and I am so thankful. We share so many memories, good times, bad times. I love you.

Remember the day you showed me how to make your famous chocolate cake? At first everything went fine, me mixed the ingredients together, the egg, the flour, the chocolate. The we put the whole thing in the oven and went over to watch a movie. You told me to set the timer, I forgot, and I nearly burned down our whole kitchen. What a time. As we got the damm thing out of the oven and cut it, it tasted awful. Just like we are, we put salt in there instead of sugar. But even though the cake was a failure, it was one of the happiest days of my entire life. nearly everything went wrong, but we had fun. When I close my eyes, I see us laughing in the kitchen, covered with flour from head to toe, our hands full  with rests of the dough. I hope you'll never forget that. I hopefully won't. But back to the reason why I'm writing this thing.

We both know  I'll die soon, although we might not want to understand. And it's okay. I've had the happiest life! I've got you!

It's not like I'm scared of dying . I'm scared of what happens afterwards. What if there is no after? Do I remember something? What if? To some questions we'll might never find an answer. The only thing I know for sure is, that I'll love you. Forever. I'm sure I'll remember you, your face, your hair, the littles things. And even if I won't remember anything "after", I know ill find you again. You're my soulmate.

The damm brain cancer might take my memories, but not the love I feel for you. I hope you know that. I'm afraid that I won't remember you in a few weeks. But even if my brain decides to forget you, I know that my heart never will. It beats just for you. Remember the tattoos we got? The anchor and the rope? You're my anchor, you're strong. Without you my rope is useless. And just like them we belong together.

I hope you'll be strong after my death. I know it sounds like a cliché, but I want you to move on. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met, Inside and out. You got a heart made of gold. The world needs you. Don't let my death kill you. Call your friends, stay in touch with them. Live your life to the fullest. For the two of us!

I will never stop loving you

Yours sincerly ....

Tony H