sharp. : a coinpin fic

Chapter Seven

It's been over two weeks since she's last seen Eraser. Surprisingly, she didn't miss him at all.

Normally, a person catches feelings after sleeping with someone, right?

Eraser didn't.

Neither did she.

It was shocking, really. Pin always considered herself the emotional type. Maybe she was less emotional than she thought.

No, that wasn't correct. Pin pursed her lips in thought as she laid in bed. She was certainly feeling emotional.

She felt guilty.

She felt as if she betrayed someone. She felt as if she betrayed herself. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. No time to get emotional. No time to overthink. She gripped her bed sheets tightly, trying to ground herself, but her thoughts were already quickly sinking into her quicksand thoughts.

Suffocating her.

Her head was hurting. It's been hurting since she woke up.

All she saw were Coiny's eyes. His freckles. His smile. His sunshine. Why does she still feel this way towards him? She was supposed to be over him already. She was supposed to be moving on.

The white, empty ceiling taunted her as she glared at it.

She turned onto her side, opting to face her wall instead. It was more friendly. Less empty. Not nearly as judgemental as emptiness, which seemed like a metaphor for...something.

She was so tired. She was tired almost all the time now. Getting out of bed was borderline painful. Work made her physically and mentally exhausted. She felt like she had energy, but no desire to use any of it. She just felt trapped within herself, in a pit of pain and guilt.

The world was spinning. Her mind was spinning. Her stomach and mind were beyond nauseated. What if Coiny knew what she did?

She couldn't imagine what she would do if she saw Coiny with someone else. As much as she told herself she wanted him to move on, she was selfish.

She'd rather he be with her.

No, no, no, no, no. She could not be thinking like this. Coiny didn't want her when she threw herself at him. What makes her think she wants him now?

He's lying to himself. He's delusional.

She breathed in and out again, trying to calm her wild thoughts. It helped a little. What was happening? She couldn't possibly be this stressed, could she?

The redhead pressed her palms against her eyes. The pressure helped ease her headache for a minute. The nausea crept up her belly and settled in the back of her throat. God. Was she sick? Was she feverish? Pin focused on slowing her breathing. She was just stressed out.

Guilty. But only because she was stressed. Coiny's eyes flashed through her mind once again.

Wait, when was the last time she's had a period?

She bolted up the second she realized it was late. The last remaining part of her stable world crumbled into pieces. A mistake this grave could not have lifelong consequences. Living with herself was too much to handle right now.

She wasn't pregnant, was she?

She didn't realize the tears were pooling in her eyes until they started to spill onto her pillowcase. She wiped her eyes feverishly, as if trying to stop herself from crying through brute force alone. The girl clenched her jaw as her breathing sped up. This wasn't the time for deep breathing. Her life may be over! She was too young for this. Too young to be a parent. She can't even take care of herself.

Pin struggled to get out of bed and staggered to the bathroom. She had to keep her tears in. She had to be strong right now. She bit her lip as she searched through the cabinets under her bathroom sink. Curse herself for not organizing this stuff sooner. Her sanity was in tatters right now.

Finally, her shaky hands found what she was looking for. She pulled the small, pink rectangular box from the cabinet and ripped open the packaging.

Taking the actual pregnancy test felt unreal. It all felt automatic and emotionless. When this should be an exciting moment for someone, all she felt was anxiety. If this test was positive, everything was over. Coiny would know. Everyone will leave her. She'll have to care for a child alone.

She placed the test next to the sink and waited for the results.

The sound of the bathroom vent did little to calm her nerves. The fast whooshing sound was reflective of her blood pressure. She tried to focus on her breathing, but the tears had already escalated into dry heaving. Was this a panic attack? Was she having a panic attack?

The vent made the air around her seem like a tornado. Time moved too slowly but also too quickly. She didn't have the mental capacity to deal with this. She wasn't strong.

She was weak.

The wait was finally over. Pin held her breath as she slowly peered over to the results of the test.

Negative.

Not pregnant. She really was just stressed after all.

But the fear. The fear of her life being over, the fear of being all alone was evident for a brief moment. It was destructive.

She was weak.

Although everything was totally fine, she didn't feel fine. She felt guilty, stressed, and destroyed. Life was fine, but it wasn't fine.

The redhead fell to the floor and let herself cry. There was no one to watch her. There was no one to comfort her. She felt as if her life was almost stolen from her, and the fear alone was enough to instill a lingering sense of terror and loneliness within her. Forever.

But everything was all right.