THE SECRETS WE KEEP.

- DEAD MAN WALKING (PART 1).

DIANNES POV:
The urge to throw up took over me for what felt like the hundredth time this hour, my body falling limp just in time to empty whatever sickness had been nestled in the pit of my stomach. Eyes shut tight, forehead rested against the edge of the seat. Compared to the journey to the studio, where the bumpy roads and immediate stops tossed and turned my stomach, that tonne lighter feeling felt like a dream, however it was not enough to overpower my drained exhaustion. As much as I detested these uneven square tiles and the beige walls, I had to remind myself that any quick movements could cause whatever is left to expel out everywhere.

Even with my loud sobbing, that could mostly likely be heard down the hall, the familiar accent of my dance partner was distinguishable. "Di? Janette said that I could find you-" My dishevelled state did not stop me from jumping at the chance to be held by him, even with the waterfall of tears flowing down my cheeks and that at any moment my insides could be spewed all across his floor. I felt like a young child after a long car journey; being collected up into somebody's arms, one arm underneath my knees, to be brought inside from my clear weakness and tiredness. And without a second thought, he sat me onto his lap, where I immediately made sure to close the gap between us. "I-I'm so sorry you came i-into me here.. I knew you'd eventually come to practise your steps and-" My voice, soft almost like a whisper, was accompanied by the occasional sniffle. "I didn't know where else to go.." To avoid his gaze, my vision blurry from the brimming tears waiting to escape, my head buried deep into the crook of his neck, just wishing for the ground underneath my feet to open up and swallow me whole to save me from this embarrassment.

Joe's protective hold around me was a comforting reminder that he wasn't just brushing me off and telling me to go, but that he wanted to stay with me. His grip around my back tightened slightly so I was kept upright, however with a slight loosening to let me lean against his body. "Dianne please don't be silly.. there is nothing to apologise for.. this room is as much as mine as it is yours- hell you've probably spent more time in here than I have!" His comment about our constant free time spent with each other earned a quiet giggle from my lips. "Anytime you need it.. whether it's for some peace and quiet on a bustling Saturday.. or an alone space to calm yourself down.. it is all okay with me."

His want to care for me without knowing the problem overwhelmed me with more love than humanly possible. With his loving words and safe arms to lessen the pain in your heart, he deserves to know how perfect and truly special he is. This ability he possessed to comfort somebody in their time of need, urged that realisation inside of how much I desired this in my future, and as more than just friends. Imagining a future with Joe does not consist of the idea of a wedding or little us running around, those would come later. For now, it's about being able to experience our growing relationship as it happens, without having to constantly check for a watching eye for a glimpse of a kiss or a hug. Say a year from now.. its a Sunday morning, the night after a Strictly live show, our one day of rest together. We can't bear to leave one another's arms incase the cold nips us. The music, our usual playlist of Strictly songs, plays along in the background while we reenact one of our favourite dances, just waiting for that kitchen timer to sing. Hand in hand, we stroll down the street past many people who don't bat an eyelid at our display of public affection. We bring back bags full of small trinkets to fill the empty spaces, in hope to transform this once bachelor pad into a place we can call our home. This place in my dream isn't extravagant or unrealistic, it's a city of no judgements or fear over who is watching.

While my mind had been picturing our life outside of the show, Joe had manouvered us around so we lay on our sides, a blanket draped across both of our bodies. His hand had slid from my hip to rest on my tummy, an easier way of pulling my back tight against his chest. "Get some sleep, love.." He mumbled placing a gentle kiss onto the back of my head. With the coziness of this cuddling and blanket, and the way our bodies were settled into one another's perfectly, I couldn't help but slowly close my eyes over to let myself fall into a well-needed sleep.