THE SECRETS WE KEEP.

- MY OPTIMIST (PART 1).

hi everyone, this is just a quick note before this chapter starts as a sort of apology. i really am sorry that this chapter is so short and the writing really is not the best. over the christmas period i saw my friends one last time (following guidelines in my country at the time with social distancing and masks) but i haven't seen them since and in all honesty i never believed it would have this much of an effect on my mental health, but it truly has. my mental health has taken a massive decline recently, just with everything going on and having time to reflect. i am close to my family but sometimes friends are needed too and that's why i've been struggling. i tried my hardest to get a chapter out on time for you all but i've already started the next chapter and it already seems that it will be a lot longer so that's something! again i really am so sorry. also thank you for 8k reads, it was so lovely to wake up to on new year's day! i hope you all have an amazing saturday and happy new year x

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DIANNES POV:
The deadly awaited sound of a beeping alarm, one each person dreads on a morning, made its visit to my home while the birds continued to chirp away with their morning performance and the outside bursts of lights shone through the rips in the curtains. The warm softness of the pillow cushioning my sleepy head was making the inevitable decision to arise from my bed even harder than anticipated, however this day was not one for wasting, with the dance still needing to be finished choreographing and our required attendence at Pride of Britain and It Takes Two much later. Luckily by my side for moral support was a specific boy who's aftershave had become familiar as it filled my nostrils with each deep inhale, the strong scent from his jumper turning my stomach into a pack of nervous butterflies and my heart becoming like the inside of a stuffed teddy bear. All of this reminded me of how much he would have been needed; for an early morning cuddle in bed to keep ourselves warm to bringing up cups of steaming coffee in attempt to awaken me for the day to his constant nagging until the final resort is to get up. While the better choice overall is for us to be apart something in me just missed his whole presence around me.

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Joe's visible tensing up started as my hands corrected his hips into the right position, before my fingertips ran up along his spine to around each shoulder to straighten them. These past four hours could only be described in one emotion; fear. There is a sympathy in myself with Joe at this moment for I understand the difficulties that came with a Paso Doble, not just in learning it but having to teach it also. It was clear from the sight of watching Joe helplessly try to imitate my moves, causing a tiny anxiety pool to form in the pit of my stomach, that this dance was not going to come naturally to him. American Smooth week was a character who reflected his own personality, with a sweet and soft demeanour; however with a Paso, to truly perform it the way it is desired, there is a serious and tough nature you must grasp almost immediately.

All of these attempts were painful to watch and I could not stand to put him through it any longer, by stopping him with my hands on his shoulders and looking him dead in the eye, in hope of my intense glare to be able to knock something around in his head for him to realise how important these first few days are. "We arent in week one or week two anymore, okay? This competition is really heating up, there are some amazing performers out there.. it's not just me who watches from the clauditorium.. you see with your own eyes how talented some of those celebs are! It may not seem this way now but this dance is a blessing for us.. Blackpool is fast approaching, you want to reach it right? This is the perfect oppurtunity for you to show everybody at home your well-rounded talent on the dance floor. There is so much more to your character than just a cute face who can crack a joke once in a while.. there is so much more than just a charleston swivel or a ballroom spin in your dance ability.. I know you're capable of showing everybody that behind that nice demeanour truly is a strong and brave man.. I believe in you Joe, now you need to believe in yourself."

The only form of a reaction from Joe was a slight raise of a brow, before turning back to the direction of the mirror to practise his lines. This cool as a cucumber Joe Sugg was far from what was expected of him in my mind, especially since we were performing the dance he had been dreading since week one. Not once had a complaint slipped his lips, despite my stressful morning over this technical choreography. One of the things I loved about having Joe as a partner was his determination; he was not a natural dancer yet he would work harder and harder each week to get our dance to the best level it could be at, just to make me proud of him. But now, it feels that all of my concerns over his struggles were washed down the drain, for it felt as though he had finally given up on trying.

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JOES POV:
Another long day, done. Now all there was to worry about was the upcoming event of Pride of Britian, something Dianne had continued to remind me of in a string of text messages from my Uber's arrival to stepping through the front door. "Oh.. hey guys" To return home to three of your best friends lounged across your sofa, empty snack bags scattered across the floor, their eyes glued to the screen while they attempt to cross another game off their list, was not a usual sight to expect. My entranc had managed to attract their gaze off the game, but unfortunately each glare sent to me was hard and cold, as if it was their own signal of telling me to stop talking to them.

The heading to events stereotype society have chosen as normal is how the woman is leaving the man waiting for hours for her to be finished, but in my case, this was the complete opposite. All morning Dianne's blabbering never stopped, over her neatly laid out dress on her bed ready for her arrival at home to the time schedule arranged by her and Oti that had been worked out carefully to include additional time for photos before leaving. Whereas here I was, no schedule and no laid out suit, rummaging through my tie collection from over the years to find the perfect fit, something that proved to be a difficult task. It seemed that every one I owned was wrong in one way or another; either the colour didn't match, or it was too long, or it was too plain for such a special night. The last resort was Byron's limited collection, for all my friends could be helpful for was pestering me over our brand new dance until it felt like I had to give in for an answer to my worries. "The Paso Doble is difficult and I don't know how I'll do.. it's obvious already to both of us that this dance isn't going to suit me.. strong, manly and powerful are not words anybody would use to describe me.. maybe a man with extreme muscles and lifting abilities who attends a gym constantly.. but not little old me.." With no luck, I let out an exasperated sigh and walking back to the living in defeat, my search proving unsuccessful this time around.

Out of nowhere came Jack with a small black box resting on the palms of his hands, opened up to a bow tie, already tied and the exact colour of my suit to match. "I think this might help.." With the little hand having been five minutes past my supposed leaving time, as quickly as I could I pulled it over my head. "Thank you, thank you!" I yelled as many thank yous out the door before it slammed, before rushing out to my already impatient Uber driver who just could not wait to get back on the road.

In my mind, Dianne's apartment had always been a foreign place she had never invited me into, whether for privacy reasons or just for personal preference. However as weeks flew past us, I had continually been tortured of where she was going once that Uber would arrive. The image taught me of a small place the perfect size for Dianne, all open planned just like my own, with perfect views of the beautiful city we call London. Of course none of it would be complete without the added addition of glitter. This place I had known not a thing of I was now standing outside, staring in at a world the polar opposite from my imagines. "Um Oti?"Nothing could have prepared me for the sight staring me right in the face. Pilled up to the door was a knee high stack of clothing, one that circled the sofa before creating its own pathway into the kitchen. The only word that came to mind was small, for that was what this place was. Dianne's slight obsession with my place seemed to make sense. "Joe!" An excitable Oti, who seemed to be slightly ahead of her and Dianne's time schedule, engulfed me in a large hug standing in the doorway. "I'm so sorry for the mess in here.. you know Dianne! But it's all worth it.. I promise.."

Both our eyes were drawn the staircase, it too covered in sequinned clothing, at hearing the sound of clicking heels against each step. My heart swooning in my chest was visibly shown through the hitch of my breath in my throat at the beauty stood in front of my very eyes. It looked as though she had just stepped out a movie screen, with her now curled red tresses cascading across her shoulders, perfectly complimenting the stunning emerald dress she had chosen. My jaw continued to the fall further to the floor, my eyes travelling along her flawless curves up to the sparkly bodice that had a tear-drop cut out to accentuate her cleavage even further. All I could utter at the moment was one single word.. "Woah."