THE SECRETS WE KEEP.

- GO IN OR GO OUT (PART 1).

JOES POV:
Dianne's big love revelation last night made my mind go astray from the dance this weekend. As I entered Elstree, I was met by the famous corridor from her story. Looking at the wall brought me back in time to last week, as if her and Anthony were standing right there once again. I shook off the jealous feeling inside me and made my way up to hair and makeup. It seemed as if, everywhere I went, was a place of a memory. Some defintley more significant than the others, but all as special as the last.

Inside hair and makeup was manic. From the moment you walked in, you could feel the stress in the air, almost like you could cut it with a knife. The hair stylists were running from one end of the room to the next because of their idea to share equipment, a decision you knew they were regretting. The makeup girls were just finishing off someones look before the next celeb or pro was lined up behind the chair for their turn. Luca beckoned me over to my usual spot; the second chair on your right as you walk in. I took a seat and leant myself back slightly to let him work his magic on me.

This was always one of my favourite parts of Strictly - you were always guaranteed a shock. One minute, you would see a girl leave with her hair curled and hanging over her shoulders with a neutral makeup look. And the next, a 90s popstar would exit, with their hair sprayed in place and their makeup bright vibrant colours. While Luca tried to figure out my hair, I glanced around the room at everyone's brand new looks. My eyes were instantly drawn to the set of red locks in the corner, the familiar face of Dianne coming into full view when she lifted her head. I could feel myself smile slightly at the sight of her laughing and the cute dimple on her cheek reappearing. Eventually, she noticed me looking in her mirror and send me a little wave across the room which I quickly returned to her, only to make her giggle even more.

"Joe.. you okay?" Luca's voice brought me back in from my daze, me not realising how long I had been staring over at Dianne. I could feel him add more gel to my hair little by little until it was sitting up almost perfect. "You seem distracted by a certain redhead over there" He was sending me a smug smirk in the mirror, to which not only my cheeks but my whole face turned a beet red colour. Dropping my gaze to my lap in embarrassment and giving him a shrug was all I hoped would suffice him and make us move on from the conversation. Knowing he wouldn't get much out of me on the matter made him give up and go back to fixing up my hair with a few quiet sighs along the way. As much as I didn't want to admit it, he was right. Dianne was distracting me, but in a good way. I think. After last night, there was still so many unanswered questions I had. I just wanted to sit her down and ask her all of these, even if I wouldn't get a straight yes or no answer.

The next stop along the journey to my dressing room was costume fittings, which I already knew wasn't going to go well. Last minute changes to a costume are always stressful, for us and for the designers. Whether it's letting pants out or bringing them in, or if it's changing a shirt or a skirt, it can take up a lot of valuable time. There was also a sure guarantee that I would bump into Dianne, and knowing that we hadn't spoke since last night, I wasn't sure how it would go. Knowing that Dianne was standing right beside me with designers all on her too made me fidget on the spot. I had legs like jelly and a strained smile on my face. Neither of us spoke to each other. It was like I couldn't find the words for it. I mean, what do you say to someone you've just kissed but haven't spoke to for hours? "Joe stop fidgeting or more pins will stick in you" Everyone, including Dianne, started to laugh to which I let out a light chuckle. When really, in the pit of my stomach was a sick feeling of embarrassment, my cheeks turning to a rose pink colour.

Costume in hand, I started to make my way down the hallway to my dressing room. Dianne's was a few doors down from mine but despite us being in costume fittings together, I hadn't seen her go down there. I sent a few passers-by a friendly wave before entering the room and making myself comfortable. After hanging up the costume, I took a seat by the table where I could see my phone was flooded with notifications. Many were from Zoe and Caspar who had both sent me the same link to a news story. "Did Joe Sugg kiss Dianne Buswell before her breakup?" Reading the word "before" made me feel sick to my stomach. What if her and Anthony aren't broken up? What if the articles I read are false? Only to make myself feel worse, the article popped up full screen and I started to read through it.
What they were saying made my eyes fill up with tears, on how she was a cheater and I forced Dianne to break up with him. "Sugg, kissed Buswell, during their American Smooth practise, a source has revealed". I muttered out the words on the screen as a small tear fell down my cheek, knowing that now the public and my fans may see me in a different light. All of these news outlets believe that I had something to do with Dianne's breakup when really, it's far from the case.

These articles were really putting things into perspective and were, finally, making me think about Dianne and what she means to me right now. Over the past few weeks, our bond has only gotten stronger and I've been getting to know the person she really is behind all of the dancing. I can tell how comfortable I am becoming around her and how she may be one of my best friends. It would make sense. We are together constantly, we always message each other when we arrive home, and she's always there for me when I need her. But something inside me wants more. As much as I love the way our friendship is going, something in me just wants to hold onto her tight and never let her out of my life. The weeks are flying by and at any point, we could be out of the competition. All that time we spend together could be minimised at any point and we may not know it. I want her to know that despite our friendship, what we have between us is too much to ignore. The feelings I have for Dianne are progressing with every day we are together and to keep them bottled up any longer would be wrong of me.

Love has always been something that had confused me. The idea that there is someone out there destined to be with you seems scary. There is that one person who makes you laugh more than anyone, that one person who makes you smile when you really don't want to. That one person who appreciates you more than anyone else in their life. But, the scary part really is that you may never find that person. The realisation that some day you might get too old to meet that right person, or that they have might not waited to find you. And with my past experience, or lack of, with love, it's been shown to me many times that you meet so many people and not one of them can be right. However, unlike with any other person, the thought of falling in love with someone like Dianne doesn't seem scary. It just makes me want to tell her everything and hold her hand to do it together.

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DIANNES POV:
Waiting backstage with Joe, I was a bag of nerves. The past times we have been nearer to the end of the show, which would have given us enough time to calm our nerves and sometimes, go over the routine during breaks. But this week was completely different - Joe and I were going first. For us, this could either be a blessing or a curse. We could do amazing and get to relax, knowing that we've done it, but going first you're setting the tone for the show. You are what people are going to be watching first, and you could be forgotten by the end if you don't make an impact. And just by the way Joe was standing, I could tell he was a nervous wreck. And in all honestly. I was too. Our hands were enclosed together in a tight hold, his occasionally squeezing mine gently while we listened in to Tess and Claudia talking. Fear paralysed him to the spot, his shoulders hunched over and his eyebrows raised slightly. The colour of his face was as white as a sheet as he jumped up and down like a bird for a berry. His free hand stayed behind him to scratch the back of his neck, one of the many nervous habits Joe has that I have picked up on.

"Joe.. it'll be okay.." I tried to calmly reassure him, giving his hand a light squeeze and smiling slightly towards him. The squeeze got his attention and he looked down at me, nodding his head a little and exhaling sharply before looking back ahead of him. "It'll be over before you know it". He seemed a lot more relaxed after my piece of advice, as if he actually listened and it calmed him down. But it all came crashing down right in front of us. When our names were announced by the backstage crew, we were immediately rushed out onto the stage and put into our starting positions. Joe's hand left mine, an empty feeling in my stomach from the loss of our contact. The theme music played loudly over the studio before our voices could be heard overhead on the VT.

Drowning out our voices was the sound of my thumping heart loudly in my ears, the glaring eyes of the audience making me shrink down. All of the people looking at us made me overthink everything. Was this routine good enough to start off the show? Is Joe going to remember it? Will I remember it? When those lights turn back on, all attention would be on us and I really didn't know what was going to happen. I took a deep breath in before turning to Joe in hope of some reassure from him. Luckily, he was always there when you needed him to be. He sent me a small smile and a little nod, before whispering across "I won't let you down, Dianne." And just like that, he finished speaking and the lights came on us, the first note playing and we began to dance our routine. Here goes nothing..

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thanks everyone for reading this chapter! the next part will be part 2 to this part (just basically the rest of the live show and the afterparty), i just thought it would be easier to split this chapter up so it isn't too long for you to read! again, let me know if there is anything you would like in future chapters, i'm always open to suggestions. the next one will come soon :)