THE SECRETS WE KEEP.

- ZOES VISIT.

JOES POV:
The practise of Tuesday flew right by us as Wednesday rolled around. This was always one of my favourite days to practise; it's not like Monday or Tuesday where you have no clue, but it also doesn't have the stress of camera blocking like a Thursday brings. Saying that, the Waltz was continuing to prove a struggle, with the choreography and connecting with Dianne in the way we had to. And with the shouting voice of Dianne in my ear every few seconds, it was the hardest I'd ever tried to stay calm. Even with her reasoning behind it, which was only to make me better, I just wanted to scream back that I was trying all I could. But I did not. I stood there, nodding my head continually like a dog, repeating "I'll do it better on the next go, I'm sorry". Our conversations only lasted a few moments, with quick responses or one or two word answers. Any other week, I would be slightly concerned how we aren't clicking. Dianne and I have always had this bond, it was something special. When we danced, it felt like we had been doing this together for years. But with her drunken appearance at my door and the strong outburst at practise, I could feel myself walking on eggshells around her and holding in any thoughts that could be taken in the wrong way. The topic was probably still a weak spot for her, which was why I felt myself holding back slightly from her. But being this way couldnt last for long, combined with my immaturity and inability to comprehend a silence. My first thought to try and lessen the awkwardness between us by trying to get a smile out of her. I tried the usual jokes - failed. I tried to bring up funny moments from my past - failed. I waited until the end to pull out my last resort - doing something extremely stupid. But, I swear I could see a small twitch at the side of her mouth where a smile was being held back.

But my issues with Dianne at the moment were the least of my worries. Today was also the day Zoe would be coming to our rehearsal to be apart of the VT for this week, where she would basically talk about me and how our family feels about Strictly. As excited as I was to be able to see her, there was those slight nervous tingles knowing that everything had to be perfect - and yet, our routine wasn't even at that point yet. I mean, what if I mess up in front of her? What will I do then? Zoe has always been somebody for me to look up to, not only as a big sister but as a role model too. Even when we were young, her opinions were considered law to me. Being so close in age, she may have just gone through something that I was only starting to experience. No matter what the situation was, she was always there for me - she was always there to help make le the right choice for myself. Which, to this day, still happens. The type of person she was becoming rubbed off on me, and maybe changed the person I am to this day.

Whenever I have doubts about my career or about myself, she is always at the end of that phone call - after those couple rings, her sweet voice can be heard from the other end, already prepared to provide comfort and the best advice she can.  Her guidance helped me to come up with the "prank war" between Caspar and I, after she had seen the close relationship we had outside of the camera. That one video I decided to appear in has changed my life completely, and I owe all of that down to Zoe. I do not believe I would be where I am now without her - I especially wouldn't have believed I would be preparing for week 5 of Strictly Come Dancing. That decision she also had a great hand in as well; she pushed me to go on this amazing journey that was completely outside of my comfort zone. But she knew this the moment I asked. She knew that this type of thing was a once in a lifetime opportunity and that I needed to really push myself out of the bubble I had created. Today was really nothing to worry about - she would never judge me for a small mistake in footwork or my hold. But I couldn't help but feel those intense jitters knowing she would arrive soon.

The flash of red hair could be spotted from a mile away, as it swooped from side to side while Dianne participated in her usual morning stretches. However many times she does this, nothing can ever motivate me to join in. Noticing me at the door, she stopped her movements and we engaged in an awkward cuddle where I tried to sneak a cheeky kiss onto the top of her head. Without a word exchanged between us, the upbeat tune changed to the first few beats of 'Rainbow Connection' where Dianne sat on our make-shift log - a hard bench. Yesterday we had gone through every step until I was waltzing myself to sleep, so hopefully today we could show Zoe the entire routine in full. Combined with the stress of remembering all the steps, my sister was most likely on her journey up to see us, or was even sitting outside waiting for the right time to come in. Now this, completely freaked me out. Knowing that Zoe could walk through that door at any minute made trying to perform this dance a lot harder. With the Waltz, it's almost like an exam. You have to know all of this step names and what movements they involve, along with the facial expressions and body posture to go along with it. For a short three minute dance, there was defintley a lot more to know that I realised. My concentration on Dianne couldnt last five seconds without my gaze reverting back to the door, just to check if I could notice her in the hallway. But everytime I looked, nothing.