IDENTITY | minsung

33

the brunette slammed the front door of their dorm room shut, turning around to lean his back on it and sliding down to the ground. he sat on the floor with his knees tucked into his chest, feeling warm tears fall down his face rapidly.

it hurt a lot, it really did, and he had to admit it.

they hurt him where it hurt the most. they unknowingly found his biggest insecurity — the difference between his two identities.

he plopped himself onto his bed, sobbing uncontrollably. the voices inside his head wouldn't stop, no matter how hard he pleaded, they wouldn't go away.

everyone, the voices included, told him that he was absolutely nothing compared to j.one. he was talentless, useless, worthless, and that he didn't deserve any love.

why? why did everyone hate him so much? even he didn't know. he felt like the universe just hated him and turned on him, and he hated that feeling.

so what he received thousands of likes and follows? it didn't replace the emptiness he felt. it wouldn't. it didn't make up for the fact that he would still be bullied. it wouldn't. and it couldn't.

but either way, those numbers, as meaningless as it sounded, they meant everything to jisung. it offered him reassurance that people 'liked' him. that he meant something to those people. but at the end of the day, he was still the same old jisung.

he'd still be hated for the littlest reasons. his looks. his body. his talents and skills. his mistakes. his anxiety. and would numbers solve that? he wished it could.

but it wouldn't.

it couldn't.

at times like this all the poor boy wanted to do was fall asleep and not wake up. even if it was just for a day, it would put him at peace. he could feel relieved by the fact that he didn't have to deal with others' judgement and insults any longer. but of course that wasn't possible.

–

soft knocks were heard before the door creaked open. "sung? you awake?" a soft voice spoke.

the younger shifted under the covers of his bed, pretending to be asleep, but chan, changbin and felix had seen it too often to fall for it.

"come out when you feel like it alright? i got you your favorite cheesecake to cheer you up," felix whispered, heart breaking at the fact that the boy was feeling down.

the aussie didn't dare to close the door. he was afraid that the boy would end up doing something foolish, so he left a tiny gap open.

felix walked towards the kitchen island where chan and changbin were sitting, deeply lost in their thoughts. they were all thinking about the same thing, they knew, but none of them wanted to bring it up.

none of them liked to talk about the incident that had happened a year ago with jisung. it made their heart clench just being reminded of it, so they never spoke of it again. just thinking about the details made them freeze and tremble. they couldn't bear to go through the pain of the experience of almost losing their best friend again.

felix decided to speak up first, interrupting the two elders from their train of thoughts. "will sungie be okay?" he asked rather apprehensively.

they were all speechless. sure, they may have dealt with this a year ago but it certainly wasn't easy then, there was no way it'd be easy to cope with now. the two shrugged in response, not quite knowing what to say.

and so the three boys stayed awake the whole night, staying on guard in case anything were to happen.

"lix, you should probably head back. wont your dormmates be concerned?" changbin glanced at the clock which read 3:58 am. "i'll be fine, i'll just stay here."

the two nodded. they knew that there was no use arguing with the younger aussie. they were all far too concerned about jisung to think straight.