Lethal Obsession

Let It Burn

I look down at Kale's hand on my stomach and look back up at Beck. "I'm pregnant." I can feel the glow on my face as I deliver this statement to my dear friend as I place my hand on top of Kale's.

I see Beck's eyes go from elation into pure fear. I know she understands how this pregnancy now ups the ante. Nate will come full force to get not one but now two of us back. Beck looks like she wants to say something but can't find the words. It seems as if she wants to be happy but can't be not knowing if the baby is her brother's or not.
"I don't know what to say. Congratulations? I'm sorry? I hope it's not Nate's?"

My friend's bitter words and questioning strike me like a stake to the heart. I love Beck but she is always the first to be blunt with me. Regardless of how much her words may hurt, she never holds back.

"No. I'm sorry." I rip Kale's hand away from my stomach and try my hardest not to cry. I grab the bowie knife and go into a full sprint up the staircase. As soon as I hit the bottom step, I let the tears come in full release. I make it to the spare room, slam and lock the door behind me. As I sit up against the door I hear Kale on the other side as he wiggles the doorknob.

"Halston. Please open the door."

"Just go away!" Tears flood my face in utter anguish.

"You know how Beck is. I'm sorry." I hear Kale sigh in defeat on the other side.

I stay silent in words but I know Kale can hear my sobs from the other side of the door. I hear Kale walk away and then hear him downstairs arguing with his sister. I sit staring at the bowie knife in my hand and think of how I'm supposed to quite possibly kill the father of my unborn child with it. The man who I recently thought was a dream come true. The man who wouldn't leave me and would always protect me. The monster I was going to marry.

The longer I think of the fucked up predicament, the harder I cry. My anxiety begins to consume me as I stare at the blade. I lift up the shirt I'm still dressed in from the night before and look down at my thigh and all of the visible scars that I have inflicted upon myself. Maybe I did deserve everything that must have happened to me. I lay the blade across my thigh and press in as I slice. As I watch the blood trickle down my leg, I stop crying. The physical pain drowns out my sadness as I had hoped. I wipe the blade off with the shirt and go to the bed to lie down. I press my hand to the cut and pull away. My hand is saturated in blood and I just stare at it almost in a daze. Is this yet another cry for help? I always need a protector and it isn't fair to any of them. I even needed that in Nate at one point and look where that got me. I'm a problem to the world and maybe everyone is better off without me. My eyelids grow heavy from lack of sleep and distress.

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord, my soul to keep

If I shall die before I 'wake

I pray the Lord, my soul to take

My heartbeat and breathing begin to slow and my muscles start to relax in my body before I drift off...