Beneath The Static [The Wanted (Jay McGuiness<3)]

Cold Sweats

Hello Lovely People,

I just wanted to express how thankful I am for 465 reads. This is truly incredible to me and it really does mean so much as I never expected even this many people to be reading my work.

I won't be updating for some time though because I'm focusing on my original WIP, a couple requested fanfics, and I have a new project that I'm working on with a really good friend that needs to get to the interested publishers ASAP. So I will try to updated  when I get the time. Hopefully, I can work on this story sporadically through the week and update at the end of the week.

Also, I realise that this is a short chapter, forgive me, but like I said, I'm very busy.

Thank you,

Shan

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I was sad to see the guys leave the next afternoon but I was more comfortable with sleeping by myself. Officially, I could sleep for three hours before having a nightmare and breaking out in a cold sweat. Of course, I made it out to be nothing and got the boys to believe that the nightmares and their frequency were both bearable but in truth I felt exhausted, like I hadn't slept in days, and at some points my body was hesitant to even move.

Siva told me before they left to call him if I needed anything. Max and Tom expressed the same sentiment. Nathan was the most hesitant to leave and it actually took a lot to convince him that I was just fine. But eventually he left with the others. 

Currently, I was sat on my couch watching cartoons and indulging in a bag of veggie crisps. I'd order some of my favorite cartoons on DVD and was beginning to applaud myself for it. It lent me some innocence I felt I'd lost in a very primal, core values, sense. I laughed hysterically through some classic Ed, Edd, & Eddy episodes before I got up to get a cola from the fridge but it was barren and I resolved to go shopping.

I dressed in black skinny jeans, a worn Fall Out Boy shirt with a long sleeve thermal underneath and my favorite red hoodie, slipped on a pair of vans and grabbed my purse. I didn't go straight to the market though. I first stopped at Dan's flat and hoped he was home. I knocked carefully, still not fully committed to my actions. Phil answered the door.

"Oh erm, hi. I was just looking for Dan. Is he here?" I say shyly.

"Yeah he's making a video right now."

"Oh." I say dumbly.

"But you can come in if you like and wait for him." Phil smiles.

"Okay. Thanks." Phil lets me in and I sit awkwardly on the couch.

"I'll let him know you're here so you're not waiting all day." He chuckles and I let out a small laugh. When Phil comes back he sits a seat over on the couch.

"Nice socks." I comment, noticing his mismatched socks. He blushes a bit and mumbles a thanks.  "I don't match mine either. They coordinate but they don't ever match really." Phil gives a big grin and Dan walks in.

"Oh, Holly." Dan says surprised. I guessed that Phil hadn't told him who exactly was here.

"Sorry. You could have finished. It's not that important." I ramble, shooting up to stand.

"It's fine. So what's up?"

"I was wondering if you'd go to the store with me." I can feel myself turn some shade of red. "It's just that I don't feel comfortable going by myself right now." I swallow.

"Yeah. Of course." He smiles big. "Let me just get my trainers on." I smile and nod and he runs back to his room.

"Mind if I join you? Don't have anything better to do." I nod again and sit on the edge of my spot on the couch. "I wanted to say that I'm really glad you're okay."

"Thanks." I smile half-heartedly. I wished people would stop saying the were glad I was okay. A little part of me wanted to scream out that I wasn't alright. I had nightmares that put it in my mind that I could see the purplish blue bruises return through my exhausted, terrorized eyes. I still flinched if a hand brushed against my thigh. It had happened the day before when I went downstairs to empty my mailbox. Another tenant rushed passed, bumping into me so that his hand caught on my waist. He mumbled an apology and went on his way but I was already wide-eyed with the phantom pains. It was difficult to recover, having such few comforts here. This new broken feeling made me realise how awful I actually was at letting people be around me. There was that bigger part of me though - the part that ruled my life - that urged me to move on and suck it up. So I did.

"Let's go then." Dan ran back out. We walked to the market; Dan on one side and Phil on the other.

I didn't talk much, more just nodded and showed I was paying attention to what was being said. Phil decided that he wanted to do some shopping too so he went back to the flat halfway to the market to get his car. "It'll be easier." He'd said.

"Does the cooking help you at all?" Dan started again to make conversation. I looked down in the trolley.

"I don't know." I shake my head and go back to browsing the produce.

"I never did get to have any of that - what was it?" He thinks hard. "You said you were making it for a friend when you first moved here." I'm shocked that he even remembered that far back.

"Grilled aubergine parmigiana." I gulp.

"Yeah!" He claps. "How 'bout you make that and I'll keep you company tonight?" I'd made the dish for Jay the night he drove from Manchester and plunged me into confusion with that one disconnected, discombobulating kiss. I didn't want to make food that reminded me of Jay.

"I don't want to make that." I shake my head again.

"Something else then?" I look into Dan's eyes.

"Sure." I give him a slight smile.

Cooking did give my mind a break and Dan was fair at keeping me company even if it was slightly awkward.

"When do you have to go back to work?" Dan asks, trying to create a conversation for the billionth time.

"Tomorrow." I look to Dan. I felt terrible that he was trying so hard but my brain was straining to be just a little open. "Listen, Dan, maybe we can do this again but I need to try to get some sleep." He nods and I let him out.

"Sleep well." He tells me.

"You too." I smile.

Right about now I was regretting my decision to send the boys away so willingly. I was wishing I had fought to keep at least one of them here but that same voice inside my head told me to suck it up again and so I did. I got ready for bed, put on The Wanted from my ipod nestled in its dock and snuggled into my covers. I could say that I truly hated the scared, broken thing I'd become. I hated every ounce of this flesh.