NO FUN CLUB

19

'We should go back inside,' Gerard muttered once their lips parted.

Frank just nodded and followed him.

Inside, a small crowd gathered around the bar, and some others on the other side of the room, no one paying attention to what happened outside.

Only Jamia, who was behind the counter, saw them walk in and she and Gerard did that weird thing where they communicated with looks. I see you worked things out, hers said.

Be right back, he said, and then walked Frank to the back, straight to the empty greenroom. He got a couple towels from the storage room and wrapped them around Frank to warm him up.

'You're wet, too,' Frank said, shivering.

'I'm okay.'

Gerard stood there, in front of Frank, leaning his back on a counter, while Frank sat on the couch. Neither of them said a word, and it felt like they were avoiding each other's eyes.

'I'm still waiting for you to punch me,' Frank said out of nowhere.

'I'm not going to.'

'But I deserve it. It would hurt less that what I did to you.'

'Frank, that's not how things work.' He paused, having trouble to speak up. 'Look – I kinda expected something would happen. And I know that's wrong. I know I shouldn't be okay with it, and I know I should trust you. But I'm new at this, okay? I don't know the rules, and I don't know if I should care about them. But maybe I thought that was the only way to be with you, so I tried to keep an open mind, because I fucking like you.'

Frank nodded. 'I'm sorry that I broke that trust. But I did mean it when I told you, you are the only one I want to be with.' He patted the empty space next to him, inviting Gerard to sit with him. 'I still mean it. This isn't something I wanted. I did not want to kiss him, and I hated every second of it. But that doesn't make this okay.'

Gerard reached for his hand. 'You didn't?'

'No. Remember that first night I kissed you? At the party at my house?' Gerard nodded. 'It was a lot like that. I was just there, feeling miserable because I couldn't be without you, so I was drinking. Then he came over – we used to have an history, but that doesn't matter – but he thought that I was still, you know, seeing a lot of people, or I don't know. But he just kissed me. And I swear I didn't like it. My mind just went blank. Next thing I know he was trying to –' He couldn't finish the sentence. 'That's when I stopped him.'

'I'm sorry.'

'No, I'm sorry.'

They sat there for a while, Frank's head resting on Gerard's shoulder, Gerard's arm around him. 'I know I was stupid, but I swear I didn't want to,' Frank said.

'I know.'

'I would never want to hurt you.'

Gerard nodded and kissed his forehead. 'I know.'

'But I have too much shit.' He paused, and turned to him. 'I know it's no excuse. But – I have codependency issues. Ever since my mom – she's an alcoholic.'

Gerard listened. He knew there was something about his mom, but he had never really talked about it.

'That's why my dad sent me to live with my grandparents. He tried to help her, and tried to keep me safe. But growing up, I got to live with her, and see the bad parts. How she made me feel like I had to get him cigarettes or steal beer from my uncle's fridge to make her happy. I put up with her shit, her yelling and even beating, because I wanted her to love me. And she kept leaving.' He was already crying, but Gerard could see all the trauma behind his voice. Could hear little Frankie crying for his mom. 'And I thought that was normal. So I started drinking too, and getting involved with people who treated me like shit.'

'I'm sorry, Frankie.'

'So it's gonna take me some time, okay? I need to learn a lot. I need to learn to be by myself. To not depend on others. Or alcohol. I need to find my path. I don't even know what I'm going to do now that I don't have a job. I don't know where I'm going.'

'And I'll be here,' Gerard said locking their hands together. 'I know you said you have to learn to be alone, I'll still be there if you need something.'

'Thank you.'

He cuddled in Gerard's arms, and they stayed like that for the longest time. 'So – where were you planning on going?'

'I don't know. Rehab? Visit my mom in Florida? Reno?'

Gerard laughed.

'I'll probably just go to my dad's stay there for a while.'

Gerard nodded.

'If I get better,' Frank said. 'Can we try it again? This boyfriend thing?'

'Yeah, of course.'

'I love you.'

'I love you, too, Frankie.'

Jamia found them just like that, and they joked about getting together, and about Jamia getting pissed at them but breaking up.

And then, Frank left so they could get back to work. 'I'll be at my dad's,' he told Gerard when he walked him to his car. 'I'll text you when I get there.'

'Please.'

He leaned in for a kiss. 'I promise I'll get better. Just give me some time, okay?'

Gerard nodded, and Frank got in the car, driving away.

Gerard didn't know exactly where this was going or whether he should have forgiven him, but he was happy to have Frank back in his life.