My insecurities precede me
There's no denying that
Self-doubt and internal pressure
Are my ruinous hamartia
Sometimes I resent my confidence
Think I'd be liked more if I spoke my mind less
But ultimately decide that's merely existing, not living
Sometimes I think I'm too outspoken, too opinionated
But in a world of delusional narcissists
Speaking the truth is revolutionary
Sometimes I'm scared that I am not enough
That what I am not is more than what I am
But what are we without fears and inhibitions?
It's gone eleven and dusk has just brushed
The last moments of September sunlight from the glittering sky
Navy waters have been washed back out to sea
The tide flowing in time with my heartbeat
Watching me wallow in self-defying misery
Fleeting shadows dance around the cave captivating me
Enchanted, my eyes follow them
Wonderstruck, I flicker between reality and the imaginary
Isn't sadness incomprehensibly romantic?
Nature clearly thinks so too, as she wraps herself in robes of blue.
Is there anywhere for me to dream tonight?
Because darkness has fallen and the bats swoop around me
Leaving me to blink behind weary eyes
Their calls bounce across the cave, screeches reverberating in my head
The frequency beating away sleep
As I shiver beneath icicles and into the unhearing night weep
And with only what they hear, these creatures of the night
Have a complete impression of the world
In attempt to find peace, I rest my head against frozen stone
But instead quicksand engulfs me, thoughts rushing in and out of my mind
Like a plunging waterfall racing towards the estuary.
Goosebumps glide across my arms, static shivers skip down my spine
Their comfortable assumptions replacing my drowsy dreams
Their ease leaving me restless for years
Stealing my story and manipulating it to benefit their narrative
Crossing out the stanzas of my well-thumbed notebooks, replacing it with mediocre prose
So much so history forgets what's altered and what's true
And the version of myself I end up believing is the version created by you.
What the cynics say is disheartening but accurate
If something is projected onto you enough, you'll agree with it eventually
If something is instilled within society for decades, it'll become indelible
If the lie is accepted by the majority, it fits the rules of democracy
Leaving the words to echo around this cave forever
These lines etched into the stone eternally
And with only one song heard, I announce I know the album by heart
Because it's the only tune the radio plays nowadays.
Battling restlessness, I trudge out of the cave, my feet against the sand the only sound
Pacing back and forth by the shore, staring out from the headland
I attempt to find serene silence hidden within the bay
If that archaic propaganda had its way
My insecurities would define me, I would struggle to comprehend the metaphor
Self-doubt and internal pressure would turn me into a tragedy
I wouldn't be able to recall any of my sonnets or sing the songs of eras past
The monotonous obituary would define me, replacing the ode to my legacy.
LD x ~ 17/10/20
YOU ARE READING
Loudspeaker
Poezie'... are my words enough?' Many themes and issues run through this collection, interwoven with each other, knitted between poems, so much so this is less of a collections of poems more of a continuous narrative. When I write, I'm constantly inspired...
