Novocaine (Phan)

Chapter 2

•DAN'S POV•
Song recommendation: Nicotine by Panic! at the Disco.

I sat down in the white room after lunch which I reluctantly ate. I stared at the white walls and wondered what was the point of this place? I thought about Phil's wonderland room. I thought about the lady that seemed to smile as if her life depended on it. But most of all I thought about Phil's blue green eyes. I thought about the way his eyes light up when I first met him.

I hear a knock on the door and call out. "Come in!" Phil walked in and smiled a bit. "I heard you were redecorating and I came to help." I smiled at him and he began to get out his paint. "Can I paint your room?" I nodded eagerly. I wanted my room to stand out against the walls . "Tell me how you feel." I shoot him a confused look. "Why?" He got out his paint brush and paint cans. "So I can paint." And we left it at that.

"I feel like my thoughts are stars that I can't begin to piece together and everyone around me has constellations in their head and I'm stuck with goddamn stars. I feel like I don't know how I feel." Phil nods and takes out blue and green. He mixes the colors and swipes the brush a crossed my wall. The colors sprouted out from my bed and ended at the plain white walls. And this is how it went on, me telling him how I feel and him painting. He opens black and yellow paints. Soon enough I'm standing in a completely colored room. Phil stands back to admire his work. Colors burst around my bed but fade into blackness. It's beautiful.

"The world outside pushes so much darkness at everyone but you are so bright." He mummers. I glance at him and he must see the confusion in my eyes. "When I look at you I see life, creativity, and passion. I don't see much of that in here. You're different than the rest of us Dan. You were right. You don't belong here." I blush and look away.

I continue to look my newly painted room. "I don't know how to thank you." I said quietly. he thinks for a second. "Let me get to know you, be friends?" He says hopefully. I agree and he gets up to leave. He pauses as if he wanted to say something. "You have therapy at 4 o clock." He reminds me and then he leaves, the door slamming behind him.

By the time 4 o clock comes around I'm not looking forward to 'therapy.' I was escorted to a room that was also white, surprising. I was growing fond of my walls more and more. This whole building seemed to be white, i'm sick of it.

"So Dan, My name is Connor." He reaches out and shakes my hand. I take a seat across from him. He smiles and says. "When did you start hearing these voices in your head?" I answer shortly. "Fifteen." He nods and continues. "Why do you think they started?" "Because I hate myself, everything about myself, I wasn't happy." "What did they say?"

I pushed myself into a corner. Tears streamed down my face as the voices and screaming melded together. His father disgraced me with his touches. Punches, kicks, slaps. The voices screamed at me. They screamed thoughts of old habits. The feeling of a blade pressed to his too tan skin. My father seemed to get bored of me and left me lying pathetically. The voices stayed, reminding me of the secret stash of blades. I gave in and inched across his room.

"Just the usual verbal abuse but inside my head." I answered simply. I felt tears threatening to fall down my cheeks.  "Thank you Dan, I'll see you soon." I nodded. "Bye, thank you," I left without another word. I made my way down the halls. After a while I realized I was lost. I sat down in the hallway and began to cry. Reliving my teenage years was something I didn't want to do.

"Dan!" Phil exclaimed. He waved a hand in front of my face. I looked up at him and began to cry harder. "It's 11 o clock! Why aren't you asleep?" He asks. He helps me up. "I could say the same to you." I reply. "Hello! Insomniac here!" I giggled a bit but my giggles were soon replaced with sniffles.

You don't deserve Phil

I ignored the voice and followed him back to my room. He later me down and went to leave. "Phil." He turned back towards me. "Stay with me?" I ask. He paused but came and and laid next to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and snuggled into his chest. We lay like this for a while. His breath in my collar bones. Our noses almost touching. I smiled and let unconscious take me.

A/N dedicated to claire cuz she is a loser and I hate her to death. Thanks for being so... Stupid. Jk jk ily!

**edited**