Novocaine (Phan)

Chapter 8

•DANS POV•

Song recommendation: 2009 song by Katherine and Eden? Lovely song!

A/N Sorry, I didn't mean to be gone for so long. I just haven't had any inspiration. It's hard...

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESSES (sorry)

"Hey Dan?" Phil asked. I shifted so I could see his face. He peered up from where his face was buried in my shirt. "Yeah?" I mumbled. His black hair coved his blue eyes. I could still see the spider curled up in his pupils. Crawling closer and closer to him. "I love you." He whispered. I rubbed circles into his arm lightly. "I love you too."

I pulled him closer to me and inhaled his scent. He smelled like pine and sugar. I smiled into his hair, how did I get so lucky? I closed my eyes and intertwined our fingers. I felt the way his hand went limp in mine. I let the image burn into my head. "Phil, never change." I could feel his tears fall on to my chest. "I won't ever leave." I promise.

"Dan, tell me about yourself." He breathed. His breath hit my bare neck and made me shiver. "What do you want to know?" His eyes closed. "Anything." I thought for a bit.

"Before I came here I used to play guitar a lot. I like the way my hands could make such a lovely sound. It felt like no matter how bad I screwed up in real life the little notes would get it right. Guitar was my way to let go of everything and get things right." I looked to see what Phil's reaction was. His breathing had slowed, that dork fell asleep.

I laid my head back on the head board. The black mop rested on my chest, his chest rose and fell on mine. In this moment nothing felt wrong and everything was right.

You can't stay here forever.

He hates you, your a ugly faggot.

You are just a burden and your going to hurt him.

A ringing sounded through the speakers. "All patients up and ready to go! Meet us at the conference room!" A way to perky voice declared. I shook phil lightly. "Phil we have somewhere to go?" He grumbled a response. "Conference room?" I asked further. His eyes shot open and his body launched out of bed. He fixed his hair in the mirror and ran back to the bed. He grabbed my hand and yanked me out the door.

"Phil!" I gasped as we ran down the hallway. "Can't be late!" He huffed. We rounded a corner and bursted through a door. Phil let go of my hand and plopped into a circle of people. "Hello." He breathed. The group said their hellos and went back to talking. "Okay everyone be quiet." A woman said with a finger pressed to her lips. "Shhhhh. Okay, hello I'm Grace and I'm leading group today lets go around and introduce ourselves!"

A boy maybe 21 years old spoke up. "Hi I'm Luke, I have adhd and I was abused and brought here as a child." We all muttered hellos to Luke and continued on. "I'm Emma and I have depression and I was suicidal but my parents don't trust me enough at home so I'm here."

The introductions seemed to go on and on until the leader called on me. "And you?" She asked. I looked up and said. "I'm Dan, I've got voices in my head and my parents weren't so nice either." I glanced around at their faces and then stared down at my lap. Phil smiled and introduced himself.

When the whole 'trust circle' was over we went back to our rooms and Phil went to his studio to paint and left me alone in the room. I could feel the voices scraping the insides of my brain. They whispered in voices only I could hear.

Why should you get to live

No one cares

Your so stupid and pathetic

Ugly emo faggot

My breathing got shallow and I curled up in a ball. Disappear. disappear. I prayed. I squeezed my eyes shut and clamped my hands tight. A ringing noise buzzed annoyingly in my ear. I could hear shouting and footsteps but the buzzing got louder until it was screeches. The screeches turned to screaming and I recognized it as my own. Am I insane? I thought. Multiple voice replied yes, yes you are. I stood up and grasped the drawers.

The last thing I remember was thinking about elsewhere before I blacked out.