Novocaine (Phan)

Chapter 5

•Dans POV•
Song recommendation: Be my Escape by Relient K

I wake to a familiar heat next to me. I smile into Phil's hair. I feel him shuffle around and pull me closer. "Phil, we got to get up." He groaned and wrapped his legs around mine. "Phiiiil." I tried to sound annoyed but my lips had a mind of their own. A grin was plastered on my face as Phil looked up. "Hello beautiful." He mummered. I blushed. "Hello gorgeous." I replied. He pressed his head into my collar bone, kissing my shoulder blade. "I love you." I whispered. "You are my favorite what if. You are my best I'll never know." Phil whispered back. "Are you quoting fall out boy?" I asked. He giggled and nodded. "You get better every second."

Phil reluctantly untangled our arms and legs. He got up and shuffled to his drawer and opened it. He took out boxers and jeans along with a red checkered shirt. "I'll come and meet you in your room before we go to breakfast?" He asks hopefully. I nodded and head towards the door.

"I love you." He says. "Love you too." I reply. I've always hated that word. Love. Because I always thought that someone as mental as me could never be loved. I always thought that these voices would just pick me apart until I unravel completely. Love seemed so risky and unnecessary. I walked into the hallway and ran to my room. I threw on black clothes and stared in the mirror. My hair wasn't straight but I didn't bother trying to straighten it.

I noticed something in the background of my reflection. A white slip of paper on my bed. I walked the short distance to my bed and picked it up. When I opened it I was surprised to see that the therapist wrote me a letter.

Dear Dan,
We have a meeting scheduled at 5 o clock tonight. Please be punctual. I think you want what I have to offer.

Doctor Connor.

I'll admit it took me a while to figure out who 'Doctor Connor' was. I glanced at the clock to see how long I had. 10:30 the clock read. I had a while to wait. My thoughts wandered to what he wanted and when I would get out of this place. I was lost in thought for god knows how long when a voice spoke up.

Hey Dan, long time no cut.

I ignored the pounding of the voice.

Nice to see your still ugly and fat. Bet that Phil boy doesn't even like you. He only wants you to kill yourself. That's why your mom sent you here. Your crazy. You tried to kill your sister! Your insane and nothing can change that.

By now I was curled up in a ball. The pounding continued. It was as if the voice had a band playing along with his words. A band of hate and spiteful words.

YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR PHIL. YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE STUPID SELFISH BRAT THAT YOU ARE NOW.

The voices screamed over each other. Trying to gain my attention. Desperately clawing at the wall of my sanity, trying to make it tumble down around me. The wall began to crumble.

LITTLE BOY WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

LITTLE BOY WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?

YOU BRAT. BE A MAN!

These voices had a name to them. Dad. My fathers voice screamed at me. I clawed at my wrist. My sight was clouded with tears and I could feel myself screaming out. Screaming out someone's name. Phil's.

He came running in. "Dan? Dan!" He spotted me in the corner. "Dan!" He waved his hand over my eyes. Tears poured from my eyes onto the ground. My wrist was raw and red. I heard other people opening my door and footsteps rushing over. Hands began to touch me. I pushed them away. "GET AWAY!" I screamed. Phil tried to push through the people. "Dan! Let me through!" He shouted. "He won't let you touch him! Let me!" He screamed. Everyone stopped trying to grab me. I stilled. Phil came over and leaned into my ear. "Come on."

I stood up and Phil took my hand. He guided me over to the door. "Please don't leave me." I whispered. He looked down at me and whispered. "Never. I will always find you." And with that I let him guide me into a room. Doctor Connors room.

"Hello Dan." He said. I only nodded in return. I didn't trust my voice enough. "It's been a while!" He said sarcastically. I manage a fake smile. "Want to tell me why you started screaming and crying this morning?" I shake my head no. He frowns. "Okay maybe later. Phil, I assume you will tell Dan about our agreement?" Phil nodded. "You are free to go." Connor said dismissing us. Phil put his arm around my waist and led us back to his room. I buried my head in his chest and wrapped my arms around him.

"So Doctor Connor wanted to know if you wanted to move in with me." I raise my eyebrow to tell him to continue. "We's move to a place with two bedrooms and a living room and we'd live together." I nodded. "I just don't want to leave my walls." Oh yeah. I didn't want to leave mine either. "You can paint the new walls." I squeaked. He nodded. We got back to his room and we laid down.

"Dan?" I look up at him. "Yes?"

"I went to bed earlier than I have ever gone to bed." "What?" I ask. "I went to bed an hour after you did. Your helping me. That's why Doctor Connor wants us in a room together."

"Phil?" "Yep?"

"You help me too.