justanotherfan956

Hello, you asked for a review, so here it is. The person below me is correct. Your book is rushed and lacks immersion. In order to captivate a reader you must establish a connection and break down boundaries of reality. Write with all 5 senses. A few chapters in, and I noticed it right away. No insight into a character, what they’re thinking, lack of description of their surroundings through the characters own thoughts. There is no connection established to captivate a reader on a deeper level. The plot is great. It is mysterious and intriguing, but it feels like a draft. Incomplete. The grammar is also great. Not many people know how to use grammar properly which ruins the book in my personal opinion. Anyways, try to make it seem less like the reader is reading words off a screen and create an imaginary reality readers can immerse themselves in.

Sehymaneo

@justanotherfan956
            
            Thank you for taking the time to review my work and provide such detailed feedback. I appreciate your insights about the pacing and the need for deeper immersion in the story. It's disappointing to hear that it felt rushed but I understand the importance of creating a connection with the characters. I will work on incorporating more sensory details and character thoughts in my revisions.
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21Dproductions

The only tiny bit of advice or thing that I noticed about your novel is that it reads more like an outline for a story. I say this only because I often outline my novels (I don't always stick to my outlines). To me, it just didn't have an immersive quality. This is something I found on the internet that explains it far better than I can: "Immersion is the quality of a piece of fiction that transports readers into the story world, making them feel as though they are actually there. Stephen King refers to this as an act of 'telepathy'—authors have an image of a scene in their mind which they need to recreate in the minds of their readers."
          And believe me, it is something I struggle with, as I'm sure every author does here on Wattpad and anywhere else where someone is writing fiction. Best of luck, and cheers. 
          -SFH

Sehymaneo

@21Dproductions Oh I noticed it too thank you for your feedback it will help me improve the book.
• Reply

CrystalScherer

Hello, I see you started a new book.
          
          If you're looking for a place to hang out with fellow Wattpad authors, share your book, or participate in book clubs, there is a Wattpad Dreamland discord server that's open to everyone.
          
          https://discord.gg/dreamlandcommunity 
          
          Bottom has a section for sharing books, and there are plenty of channels to talk about writing in general. (Many people mute some/most of the channels since there are so many things going on.)
          
          Have an awesome day!
          Crystal

Sehymaneo

@CrystalScherer thank you crystal
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