Sehymaneo

Hey please check out my books ❤️my first story book

Hii, so I read your story and I found it to be rather interesting. I think you could really push more into making use of the 5 senses(very useful when making a story on the paranormal and horror). For example, with where you character is handed the dairy, taking a moment to describe the sensation and texture of the dairy could emphasise its importance or how something is amiss with the book. And with scenes where things become creepy and eerie, really play on making great use of the 5 human senses - describe the odd flicker of old lights, unknown and unsettling figures lurking just within the corner of a character's eye, include smells like something decaying out of sight, or burnt wood to evoke discomfort and/or at least make scenes engaging. I also feel that the atmosphere could be further built with slow reveals to horror elements, let the unease simmer to deliver a shocking moment and also make subtle hints to the impending horror.
          
          I also feel that the pacing needs to be slowed or have further space to let things breathe, letting those moments of suspense and horror build or let the viewer/characters process moments. And I also think making use subtext in this story could greatly help. Also maybe looking into other similar genres of your story and seeing how the horror elements/themes are used effectively could help with inspiration or understanding how they work and work successfully can help. Also playing around with the themes in your own way or putting an interesting spine on it for the story can help. 
          But either way, I can't wait to see what else you've got planned for this story.

Hello, you asked for a review, so here it is. The person below me is correct. Your book is rushed and lacks immersion. In order to captivate a reader you must establish a connection and break down boundaries of reality. Write with all 5 senses. A few chapters in, and I noticed it right away. No insight into a character, what they’re thinking, lack of description of their surroundings through the characters own thoughts. There is no connection established to captivate a reader on a deeper level. The plot is great. It is mysterious and intriguing, but it feels like a draft. Incomplete. The grammar is also great. Not many people know how to use grammar properly which ruins the book in my personal opinion. Anyways, try to make it seem less like the reader is reading words off a screen and create an imaginary reality readers can immerse themselves in. 

The only tiny bit of advice or thing that I noticed about your novel is that it reads more like an outline for a story. I say this only because I often outline my novels (I don't always stick to my outlines). To me, it just didn't have an immersive quality. This is something I found on the internet that explains it far better than I can: "Immersion is the quality of a piece of fiction that transports readers into the story world, making them feel as though they are actually there. Stephen King refers to this as an act of 'telepathy'—authors have an image of a scene in their mind which they need to recreate in the minds of their readers."
          And believe me, it is something I struggle with, as I'm sure every author does here on Wattpad and anywhere else where someone is writing fiction. Best of luck, and cheers. 
          -SFH

Hello, I see you started a new book.
          
          If you're looking for a place to hang out with fellow Wattpad authors, share your book, or participate in book clubs, there is a Wattpad Dreamland discord server that's open to everyone.
          
          https://discord.gg/dreamlandcommunity 
          
          Bottom has a section for sharing books, and there are plenty of channels to talk about writing in general. (Many people mute some/most of the channels since there are so many things going on.)
          
          Have an awesome day!
          Crystal