The Love Affair

Chapter Forty

It couldn't be Nick. This didn't seem real. I was convinced I was just seeing things. But even as I discreetly pinched my arm, the man I once gave my heart to, walked down the aisle towards, and who had broken his heart, stood right before me. His blonde tousled locks were overgrown and hid his forehead, the stubble on his face prickly, and what could only be taken as yesterday's clothes, showed the state of a heartbroken man. I had truly broken him. Shattered him completely. He was really there, standing there, holding a hardcover of my book with sad eyes reluctant to look into mine.

"Nick, I-I-" I began, pausing as I swallowed a mouthful of salvia, unsure if I could even manage another word or two. "I didn't expect to see you here," I added, a pathetic reply. I rubbed my sweaty hands anxiously across the sides of my torso.

"Can we talk in private?" he muttered, before briefly looking to the red carpeted floor.

"Sure." I nodded, briefly giving a thumbs up to Peter, my agent, who stood in the distance, his cautious eyes checking if I was alright.

"Follow me," I said, before heading through the maze of bookshelves, making my way to the back of the store or at least to the non-fiction area, which allowed some privacy from the parade of people at the front, happily chatting and oblivious to the dilemma occurring. I kept quiet for a second or two, unsure if he was going to make the first move or if I had to but decided to take the step myself.

"So, how are you—I mean, stupid question. I'm sorry, I just didn't expect to see you...here," I said, biting down my bottom lip straight after, hoping I hadn't just cause further fuse or tension between us.

"I didn't either but...I kept thinking over and over this morning how I made that promise to you," he explained, his tone quiet and lifeless.

A flashback came to life. I could remember it vividly. I had just had my first book published. We were in our first apartment, happily married and in the prime of our relationship. The hardcopies of my book had been delivered to me before my book signing and I was dancing like crazy around the living room, gobsmacked I had the real deal within my hands.

"Oh my god, Nick! I'm published! I'm published!" I had cheered, fist pumping the air before embracing my hardcopy.

"I'm so proud of you, babe!" he had smiled, before tugging me into an embrace. I could remember the soft touch of his lips on the end of my nose and then the sweetest words fleeting his lips. "I promise to always support you no matter what with your writing. You're an incredible author."

I blinked back tears, catching myself back into reality. I remembered the promise. The way Nick had consistently been there to every book launch, every ups and downs and every writer's block, showing always complete support. It saddened me that this time was different.

"I know," I mumbled, blinking back more tears as I tried to keep composed. "But I don't expect you to keep that promise no more not after how I treated you," I added.

"I know," he replied, "Call me crazy, naïve but what fool turns up to his ex-wife's book signing, a book that's about her affair? I honestly don't know why I am—"

"—Because you're the most selfless, loving person I know," I interjected softly, "I honestly don't even know how you can even look me in the eyes right now, let alone breathe the same air as me."

"I can't do this anymore, Rose. I can't after this...see you again," he said, "it hurts too much. I'm miserable, co-dependent on what we had and that's not healthy. I don't think I could ever forgive you for what you did. I want to hate you, but I can't. I love you too much, but I can't hold onto you anymore. I guess...I wanted to tell you that I'm moving away. Australia," he explained, licking his bottom gently. "Work has gotten me a good promotion over there. I'm not entirely too sure why I am telling you this or even giving you insight into my life but...it just feels so alien without you," he added.