The Love Affair

Chapter Thirty-Six

I sat stiffly in the leather round chair watching as the clock's minute hand ticked by. Liza was fumbling through her notes as she began to prepare herself for our session. I wondered if she already knew. Was it written across my face? Or was she telepathic and had already read my mind to know what I was going to say.

"So, I assume we have a lot to catch up with, Rose?" she piped up, fidgeting slightly in her chair as she re-composed herself and comfortably positioned her notepad on her lap.

"Yes," I replied, rubbing the palms of my hands together anxiously.

"When you're ready Rose," she said, offering a sympathetic smile. Was it really possible for someone to not judge? I know it's her job to listen but that couldn't come without any opinion. What did she really think? Despise? Pity? Or had she trained herself to not feel any sort of opinion? Because if I was in her shoes, I would be disgusted sitting opposite someone who has cheated on their partner and lied to their best friend without remorse.

"I—I guess you could say a lot has happened," I admitted, looking to my feet, the ends of my trainers battered and discoloured from their years of use. "My divorce has been settled...I haven't spoken to my best friend since I told her the truth. And the guy I was having an affair with has admitted to me that he pursued me originally because of my uncanny resemblance to his dead ex," I explained, feeling not an ounce of weight disperse off my shoulders.

Liza lifted her brows as she shuffled in her chair. "That is a lot—but let's go through each individually. Your divorce? How does that make you feel?"

"It doesn't feel real. I just can't...get over it. I know I can't blame anyone but myself but...it just doesn't feel right. All I've ever known is Nick and...now it's over," I replied.

"And you think this definitely means you and Nick are infinitely over?" she asked, jotting down notes as she spoke.

"Yes...I don't see us ever getting back together."

"And—this uncanny ex. You mentioned?"

I paused, an image of her picture entering my mind reminding me of the suspicion I now felt towards Shane. I wasn't sure I had even took the time since he had told me, to reflect. I mean, how could I? I then opened my mouth to speak, surprised as I spewed at the words without a pause for breath. "The man I had an affair with admitted to me that I remind him of his dead ex, I've seen the photo myself, it's like looking the mirror but although he's promised me that he loves me for me, I'm not sure if I believe him."

Liza was scribbling away, only pausing as she picked up her glass of water off the side table and took a quick sip. I was met with her curiosity. "So, do—let me rephrase," she paused again, "do you want to be in a relationship with this person?"

"I-I don't know. If I'm honest at the beginning I did," I replied, startled by my lack of hesitancy. "But, now I'm not so sure. I-I just feel like I would be living another lie because how do I really know he's telling the truth? He could be just a good liar wrapped up in the fantasy that I'm his ex—and not me."

Liza nodded in agreement. "You make a good point. It rather seems like you've answered your original doubts.

I'm pretty sure we went over my 1 hour slot. I didn't leave feeling any happier or fulfilled-- not that I expected that. The usual 'it will take time but you're making the steps' phrase must have been recycled ten times or something. None of this felt real. Maybe it was just a nightmare? Maybe I'd be home with Nick and Shane wouldn't have walked into my path. But this wasn't a nightmare, it was reality. Nick, well I didn't know where he was but he was far from me. And Shane? He was keeping his distance like I had asked.