The Love Affair

Chapter Thirty

Nick placed the orange juice bottle back into the fridge compartment before deciding to take the seat under the breakfast bar.

"What's up, hun?" he asked, offering a warm smile, unaware to my internal conflict. My mouth felt dry. My head was pounding and I felt nauseous. I wasn't sure what I was going to say myself. Was this it? Was I going to confess?

"Nick," I began, sighing gently as I slid my hands across the ceramic marble to reach for his. His hands met mine with affection, his eyes meeting mine with admiration. This was so hard. There was no manual on this. No right way of doing this. "I-I...need to tell you something."

"Yeah, I know. What's going on, hun?" he said quizzically. "you feeling okay? Are...you sure you're not preg---

"----Nick, I'm not pregnant," I interjected with haste and shaking my head. " And—and I'm still on the pill," I quickly said, withdrawing my hands away from his and standing up straight. There was at least part of the confession, or at least a lie I wasn't willing to lie about no more. Was I going to do the full home-run and admit the rest? I'm cheating on you too?

Nick's face was no longer content, no sign of warmness as it distorted into a frown, maybe even disgust. I couldn't decide. But he had every right to his reaction. I stood quiet. He hadn't said a word yet. His lips were closed tight. I wished I could read his mind. I hated the anticipation. I needed to know. I wanted him to shout, wanted him to be angry then maybe I would spit it out mid fight. I would tell him there and then that I had cheated too. That way it would be all over.

"You're on the pill?" he muttered quietly, his voice sounding feeble as if he was learning to speak for the first time. He wouldn't even look me in the eyes but at least he was speaking. His body shuffled as he gently got off the chair and situated himself behind it pressing his hands onto the edge of the chair. I could see the tenseness of his knuckles as they turned pure white.

I nodded.

"I don't understand...I—I just don't understand---"

"----I—I didn't mean to lie. I just—things just don't feel right. And that's why we need to have this discussion. I'm sorry I lied, Nick. I know this is spiteful, I know I should have told you about how I felt but---

"---You've been on the pill all this while? All the time I've been stupidly encouraging us, embracing the idea of having a child and now that's all been a lie?" he interrupted, still calm and collected throughout his tone. I didn't like how he wasn't blowing his lid off. It made the situation more concerning. "I—" he added, looking up to meet my frightened eyes. "Rose, why would you do this? This has got to be the most selfish thing you've ever done. Why would you lie to me? Why would you lie about that? I've told everyone we're trying. I've been on the phone to my father, and you know I have, telling him how much I look forward to being a father. And you've just gone and ripped that away from me." He shook his head, releasing his hands from the chair and bringing his right hand to brush through his hair in frustration.

"Nick, I-I'm sorry," I tried, knowing this was only half the journey I had yet to entail.

"Why would you lie!" he suddenly snapped, fury written on his face. "And then you have the cheek to tell me we need the discussion. Are you delusional? I was all in for this! I asked you if you were and you told me, time and time again that you wanted a child. Now, you don't? I would have understood if you came to talk to me about it! Not lie to my face and be on contraceptive all this time!" He threw his hands in the air, dropping them clumsily to his sides as he grumbled to himself.

"I'm sorry, Nick," I apologised again knowing it wasn't exactly amending the situation. What was sorry going to do really? The man has just learnt his wife has been lying and you expect sorry will just fix everything, my conscience sneered. Do you think he'll just accept sorry when the truth comes out about the affair?