The Love Affair

Chapter Thirty-Five

Drip-drop.

Drip-drop.

Drip-drop.

The droplets of water that fell from the tap were somehow fascinating to watch. I couldn't keep my eyes off it. What is it about water? Ah, yes. It's the machine of life. Every living organism on this earth needs water to survive. Get rid of the water and we would die. And just think....we take water for granted, especially those who can afford the luxury of turning a tap. We should cherish every drop. I mean, come on. What would happen if suddenly the water on our surfaces drained away because we ignored the earth's cry for help because we had selfishly wasted it.

You come to realise the beauty of something when you've lost it. Hm, just like how I lost Nick.

"Mrs Stanton?" A deep voice echoed several times or so in the pits of my head.

I broke from my trance and looked towards the source. A short man with gingerly locks offered what I could only see as a sympathetic smile. He was stood in the doorway of his pristine office waiting like a fool as I just continued to stare. It took me a second or two to begin to move, slowly sliding on my handbag strap as I went to follow him into the office.

Not even a day.

"I apologise for the stuffiness. The windows are a bit jammed," he trailed on, evidently trying to add some light-heartedness to what was dismally a pitiful case. "Please take a seat." He gestured towards the brown leather chair, looking like it had just been ordered from the catalogue. I wondered then how many other souls had sat there, sat in my position.

I hesitated before slowly sitting down and placing my handbag onto my lap.

"So," he cleared his throat. "I have to respectively say that I'm apologetic for your circumstance, Mrs Stanton. Oh—and my wife's a big fan," he added, then blushing a little as he fiddled with the paperwork drowning across his desk. "So, yes. Nick Stanton has filed for a divorce, his solicitor sent this over this morning. I can run through the legal process with you and answer any questions you have but as you must be aware---"

"---Can I ask what was the reason he put?" I interrupted gently, curious to know if he had indeed stated adultery as to the reason of the end of our marriage.

He nodded, awkwardly flipping through the first pages of the paperwork. "Ah, hm, he stated that you two had been separated for the past year? Is this correct? He hadn't been living in your home," he said.

Even in hatred, Nick was still respectful. It did make me feel saddened that he felt to put that instead of the truth.

"Y-yeah," I replied, quickly wiping a tear from my right cheek.

"So, if we go through some of the legal bits," he then said.

It didn't matter what he planned to say because throughout I sat numb, listening to nothing but words drown into nothing. How on earth I managed not to break down was staggering. Nothing about it felt real. Nothing. This shouldn't be happening. But isn't this what I wanted?

----

I sat in the conservatory with a packet of cigarettes on my lap, one between my fingertips as I puffed out smoke. I hated how quiet and deserted the house felt. It didn't even matter how it had felt empty when Nick first left in a hurry finding out the truth my counselling.

I hated how I was feeling. Surely, I should have been relieved that my marriage was concluding and I could now move on. But I wasn't. How could I be? Just because I had fallen out of love with Nick didn't mean I couldn't just stop caring for the guy. I missed him. And I hated how I watched him be destroyed from my own actions. I had never once seen him so broken, so lost.

I heard Shane's backdoor open and then he appeared looking over my fence, offering a sympathetic smile. And what was I supposed to do about him? Another problem I had to solve.

"Hey," he said, pulling out a cigarette himself and lighting it.

"Hey," I replied, flicking the ash off the end of my cigarette.

"That will become a bad habit," he observed.

I shrugged my shoulders. "At this point, I don't fucking care anymore."

He looked away for a second or two. "So, erm. Any news?"

"He's filed for a divorce," I said, "looks like we're actually becoming history."

"I'm sorry—"

"---Don't lie, you're not sorry to hear that, Shane," I interjected with a sigh following after. "This is what you wanted."

"Hey, don't say it like that. You wanted it too. You weren't happy with him, Rose," he defended himself.

"Yeah, well. I don't feel great about it."

"Well, of course, you're not. You were married to the guy. I get that it's not gonna feel like relief or anything," he replied.

We were silent for a second or two. I couldn't find anything else to say.

"So, what about your career? Has there been—I dunno something put in place to stop it from leaking out?" he asked.

"I don't exactly get paparazzi following me around, Shane. But yes, my solicitor will get in contact with my agent and they'll release a press statement," I explained, shrugging it off as not the most important thing to care about. If anything, I wanted people to know how pathetic, heartless I was. Why not let the world know about my adultery? "Why do you care they'll find out about you?" I snorted.

"No, I just don't want to see you get hurt, Rose," he replied.

I knew I was being a little nasty towards him throughout our encounter. I just couldn't stand to talk to him or anyone for that matter. I wanted to be depressed in my own thoughts. I didn't want to talk about it nor be reminded by the person I had committed my adultery with.

"I deserve to be hurt," I spat, taking a huge suck of nicotine.

"No you don't," Shane objected, "we all make mistakes, Rose. Sooner or later, you would have divorced him. You can't tell me you would have stayed in a loveless marriage forever?"

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it almost immediately.

"Exactly," he replied, taking my muteness as a sign of agreement. "You would have been miserable. Every day would have been the same. Trying to put on a brave face. Play happy families. You can't force yourself to pretend to love someone. And besides, it doesn't mean you can't still love him, you're just not in love with him. Things will work out eventually. And if they don't, then they don't." He took a quick drag from his burning cigarette, then blowing out a mini cloud from his lips.

I suddenly started to feel a little queasy. I had definitely lost my appetite for nicotine at that point. I stubbed the end of my cigarette into the ceramic dish I was using as an ashtray.

"Let me come over," Shane piped up again. "You need company, Rose. I don't want you doing anything stupid."

I sighed. "I just want to be left alone. I don't want to be babysat. I'm dealing with it in my own way."

"Rose---"

"---Shane, I mean it. Just give me some space," I interrupted, standing up to my feet and slamming shut the conservatory door.

I tossed and turned all that night. The bed felt unbearably empty. I wasn't even sure if Nick would return to collect his stuff. I hoped he would so I could speak to him properly but knowing him, he wouldn't want to step foot in this house again. 

Not that I could blame him. 

Thank you for reading! Please VOTE, COMMENT and SHARE!