Adolescent

18.

Warming up started - oddly - with what I called a range-check. The name was pretty self-explanatory; it was testing how the length of the ranges of those who were warming up, those being Cade, Dan, Cody, and myself. We were all pretty close; Cade and I could edge more into baritone notes - which was heavily questioned by the other two, of course, due to my gender and age with me just saying that I was weird as hell and that was pretty much it - and the latter two had way better sounding falsettos than the squeaky, raspy likes of mine; Cade's was practically nonexistent. After that, warming up consisted of normal things; scales, octaves, vowel and consonant pronunciation, and the like. All very familiar, although I was kind of freaking out inwardly because I was warming up with two members of one of my favorite bands. But, by the end of warming up and afterward, I really wanted to slap Cade.

I understood that it was a big show and we didn't have Sam there with us, but damn, his nerves were getting on mine. And a newly arrived Hayden was beginning to take on his near-a-mental-breakdown mentality. But currently, Cade was the only one pacing in front of me, flipping out. Suddenly, he stopped in front of me.

"You know, your calm is irking me." he said, and I half-grinned.

"So I've been told."

"But, what if-"

I held up a hand to silence him. "Say, 'what if something goes wrong' again, and I really will hit you. We could play these songs in our sleep, Cade. It's not like we're going to mess up because there are a few more people in the audience than we're used to." I directed a look at Hayden so he knew what I was saying was for him too.

What happened in the next couple of seconds made me laugh: the stage director poked his head backstage to tell us that it time for us to make our way to the stage. I grabbed my guitar and headed to the stage, plugging the instrument into its designated amp along the way, Cade and Hayden in tow. Just before the curtains went up, we wrapped each other in a group hug.

The curtains went up just after we took our places, Cade with the bass he wasn't exactly used to, Hayden at his drum set, and myself with my electric guitar. Nervousness showed in my fingers, which tapped on the neck of my guitar. I introduced the members of the band, then we opened with a cover of Pierce the Veil's "King for a Day" which killed my throat, since the song was mostly screaming.

Our forty-five minute set went smoothly, no mistakes made. I was sweating from the heat of the stage lights and my heavy action on the stage. When I was ready to walk offstage after performing the last song in our set, Cade spoke into his mic.

"This last song was written solely by Roxanna. It's called, 'The Pear.'"

That earned a laugh while anger flooded through me. I'd never intended to perform "The Pear." It wasn't a song I wanted to perform. It was too personal.

But I was already up on stage and I'd look like an idiot if I didn't sing the damn song. So I sang the words I'd written and played the chords I'd strung together on my guitar and poured more of my soul into singing and playing the song that I'd never intended to perform than I'd put into nearly any song we'd played that night. I bared my vulnerability to the audience, which, in any other situation, would have shut me right down. But I didn't shut down while performing "The Pear," which surprised me. And by the end of the song, my face was drenched in fresh tears.

"This just isn't something I wanted. But no one controls what life kicks you in the face with, now do they? No, no one." I sang the final lyrics of the song, and bowed my head as applause thundered from the hands of the audience. Tears fell onto the stage, spattering as they struck the surface.

In a hurry, I composed myself enough to thank the audience, bow whilst holding hands with Hayden and Cade, and calmly walk offstage.

I'd barely made it offstage when a tearful Vi slammed her body into mine. I welcomed the contact, burying my head into her shoulder as she did with me, locking my arms around her torso in a crushing grip that matched hers. My tears flowed freely as we held onto each other, grieving for the same people, but feeling utterly disparate pain.