Adolescent

26.

"Roxanna?" My name came paired with a light knock on the bathroom door. When I didn't answer, the knock came again. "Ro?" Again, I gave no answer. "Ro, please." When I didn't answer for the third time, the person behind the door said, "I'm unlocking the door, babe."

I heard a key being inserted into the lock. It turned, and the door opened, then shut. Footsteps walked over to me, and the blanket I'd abandoned was wrapped around me. He sat on the floor in front of me and pulled me on his lap so that I was facing him. Wrapping his arms around me, he pressed my head into the crook of his neck. I didn't resist; I hadn't the strength to. So I just sat there in his arms, shivering despite the warmth.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes. He just held me and let me seemingly find refuge in the arms that once screamed safety at me. He rubbed my back and kissed my forehead as gently as possible. When he did finally speak, he sighed heavily before doing so.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to the roof sooner. I know you're going to tell me, 'Aaron, there was no way you could've known,' but I just should've known something was up when he went up to the roof. No one but you would've been up there willingly unless they had some ulterior motive. Especially him," he sighed again. "I know vaguely what he's done to you before, Zanna, and I just should've known."

It's not your responsibility. It's not your fault, I wanted to say, but just couldn't. I bowed my head in shame of my mouth's lack of functionality. I slowly shook my head to try to get some type of communication across. He sighed and kissed my forehead again - right over the Steri-strips.

The slight pain that budded across my tender skin barely registered, but it was there, just to remind me that the wound there existed. I flinched ever so slightly; it was enough. He noticed and started retreating.

"I-I'm so sorry. Baby, I didn't mean..." He scooted farther back from me with every word. His eyes were wild with surprise and regret, almost to the point of tears. "I keep hurting you..."

He couldn't hurt me, especially not more than I'd hurt him. He'd saved me. He'd stepped in. He was more than I could've ever even thought to have asked for. He was my kind, warm shadow. He shouldn't - couldn't - believe that he'd hurt me, much less that he'd continually done so.

I looked up at him, yearning for the return his warmth. How could he believe that he'd hurt me? He'd made a mistake; it wasn't a big deal. He didn't have to leave me just because he thought he fucked up a bit. I wanted to get closer to him, to try and reassure him, but I couldn't. He'd just evade me and say that he'd hurt me if we were close. Slowly, I curled up into a ball of defeat. Nothing would convince him he hadn't done wrongly.

Blowing air out of my nose in the most pitiful sigh, I got up off of the floor. My muscles screamed from the effort I put forth, and my ribs stabbed my side. Slowly, I made my way to the sink where I'd abandoned my clothes. Again, I dropped the blanket. Then, slowly and painfully, I dressed myself.
I heard him gasp the second I felt his eyes turn to me, and I wanted to cry. He shouldn't have had to see me all bruised and battered. I knew him; he'd make more excuses to beat himself up about the thing he couldn't have prevented. He didn't need that emotional trauma.

With a loud snap of fabric, I brought my new shirt over my shoulders in a rush, trying to button it hurriedly. The frantic movement hurt like a bitch, so I bit my lip in an attempt not to make any noise.

His shadow came over me and his hands over mine. "You're doing the buttons wrong."

He tried to unbutton them, and I backed out of his reach. He advanced toward me, and I backed away. This benevolent predator vs prey continued until I was backed into the wall. He was inches from me.

Ah, no, no, no, no, no. Being trapped against the wall was too much. No, no, no. It felt too much like invasive lips and hands and darkness on the worst summer night. I couldn't breathe. I could barely think straight.

Suddenly, I was lifted by the waist and my place was switched with Aaron's. My hands were placed on his chest, and my head was tipped upwards to send my gaze to his welcoming blue eyes. He cupped my face with both hands, eyes scanning my face. "You're alright, okay? I'll be damned if anyone hurts you again. Got it?"

Slowly, I nodded. Then, I pushed my way through his hands to put my face into his chest and put my arms around him. Like the act was no more unnatural than a breath, he put his arms around me. He kissed the crown of my head, sighing almost inaudibly, "I love you."

He held me in his arms for a few more moments, then knelt in front of me, undoing my botched work on the buttons of my shirt. I pushed at his hands, shaking my head. He didn't need to see the rest of my bruises. He couldn't.

He brushed my hands aside, commanding, "Just let me fix them!"

Hiding my face in my hands, I relented. Slowly, he unbuttoned the remaining buttons. When he was done, I heard him suck in a breath. I held my breath. I knew he was staring at the bruises all over my stomach and cursing himself. I bit my lip behind my hands.

Suddenly, I felt him get closer. His breath fanned out over my skin, and he leaned in even closer. He pulled me closer by my hips, and soft lips touched my stomach. I jumped, tearing my hands away from my face to look at him. He trailed his lips feather-light all across the bruises on my stomach. My skin tingled where he touched and I could barely breathe. He trailed higher, and I whimpered. I couldn't take it; I ripped myself from his grasp, backing away.

I made a choked sound that I wished was words, gathering my shirt around my torso to cover myself. He shouldn't have done that; I didn't deserve it from him. Backing away further, I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself.

"Ro, I..." His eyes looked broken, like glass. Tears shone in his eyes. I frowned, and wet warmth welled in mine.

I swallowed hard. I cast my eyes downward; I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Okay you two are you -" Upon sight, the nurse stopped pushing the door open. She looked between Aaron and I, then she frowned. Lines creased her forehead. "Oh. Well, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."