Alex : *falls through the ceiling*
Maria : a) are you okay b) why are you in my house
Alex : no but thank you for asking - because I can be
Maria : do you need help?
Alex : yes
Maria : how can I help you? are you hurt?
Alex : I think I broke my ribs
Maria : oh- h-how do I help with that
Alex : leave me here to die please
Maria : no so now am i supposed to check if your ribs are broken? uhh- does it hurt more when you take a deep breath?
Alex : yes it hurts :( why won't you let me die-
Maria : does it hurt to touch? because i like to think that i'm a good person
Alex : yes now if you'll excuse me, I am going to lay here and die
Maria : you're not dying on my watch*puts ice pack on your ribs*
Alex : fuck you
Maria : you already did now can you sit up?
Alex : shut up no, I feel like i'm dying. and if you're not gonna let me, then call an ambulance you dumb fuck
Maria : okay damn- where's your phone i lost mine
Alex : *points to counter*
Maria : *calls ambulance*
Alex : lol i'm dying
Maria : broken ribs are rarely fatal, where else are you hurt?
Alex : wait, really? GOD DAMMIT- my ribs biotch
Maria : are you coughing up blood?
Alex : I wish
Maria : okay so you with the given context which one do you think it is you dumb fuckdon't have a punctured lung you'll live usually the doctor will just leave it for six weeks and it'll heal on its own, you'll just be in a lot of pain.
Alex : yey pain
Maria : so if you ever annoy me, i'll just press on your ribs and you'll be in pain for at least a few weeks
Alex : works for me
Maria : anyway, on a scale of 1-10, how much pain are you in
Alex : physical or emotional? it's a ten for both by the way
Maria : with the given context which one do you think it is you dumb fuck
Alex : physical?
Maria : yes obviously
Alex : *flips off*
Maria : you're experiencing maximum pain you're supposed to be unconscious or screaming from pain right now flipping me off shouldn't be your top priority
Alex : i'M nOt LiKe OtHeR gIrLs
Maria : oh, shut up. the ambulance is arriving soon and i swear to god i will break your other ribs if you're annoying
Alex : yes do that please
Maria : it won't kill you
Alex : god dammit
Maria : why is this ambulance taking so long-
Alex : because ✨ logic ✨
Maria : but still-
Alex : shut up can you throw me off a cliff while we wait?
Maria : bitch where tf am i going to find a cliff
Alex : idk
Maria : just don't move. i'll punch you in the ribs if you get too annoying. oh yeah, also do you have any breathing difficulties?
Alex : slightly
Maria : can you sit up? I think you're supposed to be able to sit up-
Alex : I can but fuck you i'm lazy
Maria : are you trying to get more broken bones
Alex : yes
Maria : okay, you literally asked for it *punches your ribs* there, you're going to be in severe pain for at least several weeks
Alex : thank you :)
Maria : bitch you're supposed to be in pain-
Alex : pain is nice
Maria : *puts ice on your ribs*
Maria : *sits down next to you* what can i do to help?
Alex : kill me in cold blood
Maria : alexander hamilton istg-
Alex : I gave you an honest answer
Maria : ugh i'm googling how to help you
Alex : bruh I just told you how
Maria : bitch I'm not killing you
*ambulance arrives*
Alex : shit finally
*medical stuff happens*
Alex : that's nice bring me that horrible hospital food
Maria : i'm not your fucking maid
MsMariaReynolds and Crackhead_Hammy interactions never fail to be entertaining
