me : I'm worthless
Angel : bro, that is not true!
Angel : I could easily sell you on the dark web for at least 500,000 dollars
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me : I never understood why people care so much for their murderous friends until I got a murderous friend myself
me : *picks up Angel*
me : I've only befriended Angel for a day and a half
me : but if anything were to happen to them, I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself
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Angel, drunk at 2AM : snakes have this thing called hemipenis. it means they have two dicks.
me, equally drunk : male homophobes have two dicks
me : one in their pants, the other in their personality
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me : a good romance starts with a good friendship!
Angel : and bad romance starts with "rah, rah, ah, ah, ah, ro ma, ro ma ma, ga ga ooh la la"
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me : do you know what people say to you the most?
Angel : "Angel, please put the knife down-"
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Angel : I made you a friendship bracelet
me : sorry Ang, I'm not really a jewelry person
Angel : oh okay. you don't have to wear it if you don't want to...
me, violently snatching the bracelet : no, I'm gonna wear this till the day I fucking die
