Again

Chapter 42.

I push the curtains open, letting my gaze wander over the brick walls of the house on the other side of the street. The room directly opposite from mine is dark, the curtains closed, only a little gap open to allow the bright sunlight to shine through. I feel a disappointing ache in my chest, but recover quickly. I can hear Finn's heavy breathing behind me, his presence shining like a star in the dark night. Even if I would be blind I would have known that he's there. Though, Finn can be as soundless as dust floating in the light. I turn around and come eye to eye with him. Even though his eyes have the color of what a frozen ocean looks like in my imagination, his eyes are never really cold. The contrast of his raven black hair makes his skin look even paler and his eyes even more vibrant. Blue and black and gold.

"Do you want to sit down?" he whispers, and I can hear the incertitude in his voice. The pure knowledge of his presence always had made me feel safer, even now. Harry's voice makes its way into my mind and I can hear him, clear as the day, as he tells me that Finn is not who I think he is. Maybe I will now find out what he meant with that.

"No," I say, more confident than I feel. What if he tells me things that I am not ready to hear? I cross my arms in front of my chest and raise my chin a little. No, I need to be ready for anything. I would much rather live with the truth than with a lie.

"Well then," he speaks, running his hand over his face and siting on the edge of my bed. I can see him wincing and before I can stop myself the words already leave my lips.

"How's your injury?"

He looks up, but doesn't looks me into the eyes. "Better, although it still... stings."

I roll my eyes at his choice of words. "Feeling pain is not a shame, Finnick," I purposely call him by his full name. It's not like he hates it, like most people seem to. It's more like a thing we used to do when we were younger. I used to be the only one to call him Finnick and he was the only one to call me Amelia. It just sounded right.

"That rhymed," he smirks and pads the space next to him. I sit next to him, careful not to hurt him. "I don't know how to begin this," he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "It's reality to me so I got used to living like this. But you..."

"How about you just start at the beginning?" I ask. Now he does look into my eyes and I can see how unsure he is. That makes me nervous. Finn is never really reacting, or over reacting like I do. He's so calm. I can count the times where he's been like he is right now on my single hand. Including the night Harry hurt him. "I promise I will be open minded."

"It's not that easy. I have been caring this secret with me for so long. I didn't thought it would be so soon."

I press my lips together and wait for him to be ready. When he starts cracking his fingers and biting the inside of his cheek I decide it might be easier for him if I start first. "Why are you planning on telling it me now then?"

He seems frustrated but also relieved that I asked the question. "I always wanted to tell you, well part of me wanted to. Another part was scared that if I'd tell you, you'd reject me," he looks at me, his eyes as deep as the wide ocean. "You do understand that I cannot tell you everything? We agreed to let me tell you as much as I am comfortable telling... the rest depends on your mother and Bob."

I'm completely caught off guard. I don't know what to say or do, I just nod once and let him go on. Of course I have a lot of questions such as why my parents can't tell me more.

Finn takes a deep breath, running his hands over the fabric of his jeans a few times and starring out of the window. "Do you remember the first two classes on Monday? Back when you were living in Seattle? You had Biology, and always insisted on being early. But one day my mother came to me and told me that you weren't coming to school. I thought you weren't feeling well, so after school I ran to the old Jack's kiosk to pick up your favorite ice cream and ran to your house."

"I don't remember much, but I do remember that when you guys left I was very confused. My parents were acting strange, almost scared and when I asked for what happened, my father asked me if I cared for you. Of course I said yes and he told me that in order to keep me safe you needed to move away. So I came up with this idea to follow you. I wanted to follow you so I could fight off whatever it was that made you disappear from my life and then you would be coming back and we'd go to High School together. It was all that I was talking about which made my mum even more scared. She said that I was not allowed to talk about anything related to you anymore, in school all teachers were acting like you never existed," Finn stops for a moment and looks at me. I didn't even realize that my hands are trembling. He seems to notice and takes my hand in his, kissing my knuckles. It's a very sweet gesture, unlikely for him though.

"Are you comfortable with me continuing?" he asks. I nod and he squeezes my hand gently before leaning back against the many pillows I have on my bed and places my hand, along with his, on his chest. The panic that has been rising inside me only magnify and burn its way through my veins. It feels like I am burning alive. It is not the comfortable burn I feel when I am with Harry, not it's ruthless, painful and has the power to explode. It doesn't make the nerves in my fingertips up to the top of my head tingle. The warmth of the sunbeams that shine through my window warm my skin, giving my body a little comfort and the tension between my shoulder ease a little. Finn's eyes are unfathomable. His body is here, but his mind, his spirit, is somewhere in the past, reliving those months of loneliness before he finally realized that I won't be coming back, that he has to go to High School without his best friend and comes to WSU without knowing that I was now living here and randomly meets me in that I usually now and then visit when I wait for him to finish work at the bar.

"Back in that day, when I finally reunited with you, I was surprised that you didn't knew that we moved to Chicago. You said that your parents never heard of my mother again... Is that true?"

He blinks a few time, as if he's surprised to hear my voice. "No. I lied because I wasn't allowed to tell you," he now looks at me and the seriousness of his voice and face straddle me. "Mia, all we ever did was trying to protect you. You are in danger caused by the mistakes that has been made way before you can remember. I cannot tell you from who, or why. Just trust that I would give my life up for you to live instead."

"I don't want you to carry such a big burden. What would anyone ever want from me?"

He shrugs. "I don't know, either."

My eyes burn, not with tears, but with because of the tiredness that suddenly overcomes me. "If you're lying..."

He raises his hands. "I'm not I swear..."

I sigh, running my hand over my hair that feels like heavy lead. "So basically what you are saying is that my whole life has been a lie? That you followed me here, that you are going to school here because of me?!" I mumble and let the pieces move in place itself. "Is that why I have to be home at 7 every day?!"

My eyes widen looking at Finn. I almost want him to deny, to tell me that it is just because of my mother's strictly rules. But when he doesn't say anything, when he just squeezes my hand, I feel the first tear hit my cheek. "I don't understand," my voice trembles and I don't understand why. It is nothing to be sad about, this is what I wanted to know all along. "What is out there that could harm me, Finn!"

"You will never be a burden to me, Mia," he whispers and moves the tears from my cheek. "I hope every day that you won't ever find out what is out there. Or else I would have failed."

I remove my hand from his firm, but soft, grip and wrap my arms around my body. Suddenly I feel very small, and the world just seems too big. I am not even denying the feelings anymore, I am letting it wash over me and close my eyes. I want Harry to be here, I want to feel the warmth of his skin, the comforting wave of him touching my hand and his husky voice whispering in my ear and telling me that everything is going to be alright. And yes, it might be dangerous for me to feel that way, to even think that he could feel the same as I feel about him. But I do and I refuse to feel ashamed for my feelings.

"Tell me more. Who is we? And how were you trying to protect me? I mean, what do you do?" I open my eyes, raising my chin a little. "Tell me everything."

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A/N.: Currently reading Delirium and absolutely loving it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Please let me know what you think in the comments and also VOTE it would mean so much to me! ILY XO