A Red Queen Christmas Special

Into the Woods

With his eyes closed, Cal sat in the backseat of Tramy's rickety pickup truck.

He no longer wore his ugly sweater. Cal had put on one of his sweatshirts Mare kept in her room, along with his leather jacket, winter boots, hat, and gloves.

He imagined that he was in the warmth of the Barrows' kitchen, listening to Christmas music and feeding gumdrops to his girl. God, Cal had two dozen terrible gingerbread-related puns to use on Mare, and now Kilorn was probably putting them all to waste.

Stupid, stupid Kilorn.

Making gingerbread houses was one of the only activities Bree and Tramy found "appropriate" for Mare and Cal to do together at the Barrow house. And now Kilorn had wrecked the Christmas tree, and Cal was paying the price while Kilorn stole his jokes and made gingerbread houses.

The Barrow boys and Cal were driving along a snow-packed dirt road somewhere in Long Island, Tramy at the wheel. From the passenger seat, Bree kept telling Tramy to slow down, and from the backseat, Shade kept telling Tramy he was an idiot. As the best driver in the car, Cal felt the need to tell Tramy that he ought to slow down, but as Mare's boyfriend, he knew he wasn't allowed to do that.

It was around two in the afternoon, and the blizzard that was swallowing the entire Northeast was nearing Long Island. Flurries of snow were falling, and a gentle but chilling wind pushed at the pine trees along the road. The sky was already darkening with angry grey clouds.

The boys were trying to hurry it up. Bree hadn't realized what he'd been signing up for when he volunteered to go find a new Christmas tree. He had just been thinking about vetting his sister's boyfriend; between trekking through the woods and answering Bree's questions, Cal had already faced a good amount of physical labor and interrogation. Thus far, the boys had made three stops at three separate sites, but they hadn't found a single tree to use their bow saw on.

Secretly, Cal liked Tramy's pickup. Like Farley's, it was red, but it had none of the embellishments. The paint was peeling and so were the leather seats. Though Tramy was a horrible driver, the pickup would've bumped and shaken down the road even had Cal been driving it. The cab had this distinctive blue-collar man smell that for whatever reason, reminded Cal of the nineteen-seventies.

He also didn't mind that Bree had classic rock n' roll going on the radio. Silently, Cal tapped his foot, resisting the urge to sing along to "Dream On" by Aerosmith.

But just as the chorus was about to start again, Bree put a hand to the volume dial and cut back the volume by half. Aerosmith's lyrics teased Cal, loud enough to hear but not loud enough to enjoy.

"So Cal," Bree started, in fact the way that he started all conversations with his sister's boyfriend.

Shade sighed, crossed his arms, and slouched into his seat.

In the rearview mirror, Tramy's eyes—identical to Mare's—flickered to Cal, who didn't allow himself to squirm in his seat.

"What's up, Bree?" Cal asked, forcing interest into his eyes. He really just wanted to be making gingerbread houses right now.

"I was just wondering what you're getting our sister for Christmas."

Cal held his breath for a moment, certain that the Barrow brother was going to make some lingerie comment. So far the afternoon had consisted of Bree and Tramy badgering Cal about how he treated Mare on dates and if she was really having sleepovers with the Academy girls every weekend. (Number One: Cal, an exemplary gentleman, always held the door open for Mare, always listened to what she had to say, and always offered his jacket if she was cold. Number Two: while Mare did hang out with the Academy girls, she had never actually gone to a sleepover with them. However, Cal wasn't about to tell the three Barrow brothers that Mare spent every Saturday at his apartment in Hell's Kitchen.)