TRIGGER WARNING- SELF HARM AND MENTIONS OF TRUAMA
He kept staring, not even one word was being said he just stared. Not at me no. At my body, the discoloration and the marks, everything. Why am I not grabbing my shirt, why can I move. What's happening to me!?
He pulls my hips down with himself to the cold tile floor and sitting us both down. He grabs my arm like it's a fragile piece of glass, he bring it's up to his face at starts kissing it. Every single scar, sore, cut, even some with dried blood still on it from rubbing to hard and reopening it. What is this man doing to me.
I felt stunned and hot like my whole body feel heated, in some crazy and odd way I knew at the moment he was the one. I always felt his feelings and his heart through his touch, even a accidental nudge I felt like I was the only person to ever even exist in his life. The power the man holds on me is stronger than any other feeling in this world.
I gave up trying to act like I was okay, i crumbled in his arms hiding my ugly cry in his shoulder, my legs wrapped around him and my arms trying to find something to grip onto. His hands fit perfectly on my body, caressing it with every slight touch and his kisses landing on my neck, he placed one hand on my head hold it and the other around my waist. I tried to keep as quiet as possible cause only god knows how this would turn out is the boys saw us like this. Wet, disgusting, messy, destroyed but our feelings were more beautiful and perfect than our physical traits.
I tried my hardest to calm myself down and slow my breathing but after many failed attempts Nick shh'd me trying to find anyway possible to get me to calm down but he succeeded in his attempt. He pulled my face away from his neck, a string of drool, tears and snot mixed was shown on his shirt and collar bone showing evidence that I was there. He looked me dead in my face with both hands caressing my cheeks waiting for my breathing to become stable enough for him to talk.
Another minute or two passed and I felt okay even though I was still sniffing and my thoughts were clouded I felt like I was able to breathe.
I looked at his face and I wish I could lie but it looked far more worse than mine. Red, wet and puffy eyes followed by his read stained cheeks, going down more you can see his whole face was flushed red and nose running down to his lips mixing with the drool and his hair tied it all together by looking strewn out and messy.
His breathing was already calm and he was wiping my tears then started his own. We both took a deep breath and set ourselves straight. He shook his head then his eyes worked their way all over my body from my wrists to my arms then my chest and stomach. I know he felt scared to touch anything and I wouldn't doubt it I felt scared too.
N- "do you thin- tell me why."
I didn't know where to begin with anything, the very beginning? The first cut? Or just somewhere In the middle.
Y/n- "around 8th grade I got into a toxic relationship thinking it would solve most of the problems I already had but I chose the wrong person and it ended up causing more"
He nodded his head and continued what he was doing earlier before we started having our cry session which was kissing nearly every piece of my skin.
Y/n- "My family never really kept up with me and always assumed the worst about me, I felt stuck. I had no where to turn and no where to go. They loved the kid I was with because I portrayed him to be a sweet and amazing guy even though I knew what he was exactly like. What originally I tried to make a couple months turned into 3 years of bullshit that caused me so much pain and so many problems. All because my family loved him and thought he was perfect for a husband to finally depend on. But now I'm stuck with scars, trauma and so many other things I can fix cause I let it all happen to me and I didn't even think for one second anything I was doing was wrong. It's all my fault, it's all my fault. I'm sorry Nick I'm so so sorry plea-" i got caught off with a hiccup and my nose starting to plug up my air way. He held me once again for a few more moments letting me calm myself this time and then pulling me away to study what I look like now, he placed a kiss on my head.
N- "I dont care if I sound stupid or not or if it sounds toxic but I'm not letting you out of my sight for the rest of my life until I know your safe and happy."
I laughed which definitely caught me and him both off guard.
Y/n- " I'm sorry, here's the thing though I am happy, I'm happy because of you Nick. Your presence brings me so many feelings and your words causing me so many emotions, along with you touch. God your touch feels like heaven to me, nothing can replace the feeling of you."
N- "please please promise me when or if we ever go home you'll throw all of that bullshit away and stay with me. I know you have a house and you can gladly stay there if you feel like this is to much but I'm keeping a promise not only with myself but you too that you'll always be safe."
Y/n- "I'll gladly stay with you cause I practically already do but I promise it's behind me and your with me now and the future"
N- "thank you but now I feel more dirty than I did before so I think it's time for us to both shower."
Y/n- "who's going first"
I'm completely comfortable with showering with him but it's definitely not the time for that to happen.
N- "ughh i don't know if your up for it but how about you go put on your bathing suit while I get the water ready for you, I'll wash your hair for you and everything." He looked so bright, his smile really light up the whole room.
I nodded, this seems good.
I finished putting on my bathing suit and walked back into the bath room, nick set on the side of the tub and already had a towel and everything else placed out which caused me to giggle just a bit.
I stepped in the tub and started soaking my body in the water and got my hair wet so it was easier for Nick. He grabbed my shampoo and put just a small amount in his hand then brung it to my scalp massaging it and getting my hair clean trying to smooth me somewhat from these past events. Then he grabbed a cup filling it with water getting all the shampoo out then did the same thing with conditioner. He told me he'd let me wash my own body due to him not wanting to make me uncomfortable, I thanked him and he pulled out his phone acting as if I wasn't there just casually cleaning myself. I told him I was done then he proceeded to ask if I wanted him to shave my legs I told him it's fine but maybe another time and laughed at his attempt to help more than he already has. He left the bath room so I could put my clothes on and get ready for bed. I finished my self care and everything else then headed for bed I saw Nick was already grabbing his clothes and something caught a spark in his brain, he perked up and said
N- "y/n as soon as the bathroom door shuts, start a timer. I'm gonna speed run a shower." He had more than a serious look on his face, this guy was determined. I laughed and agreed to his silly little challenge, I pulled up the timer app and he double check himself and as soon as the door shut I started the timer. I don't even think the kid adjusted the temperature for the water cause as soon as the door opened and I stopped the timer at 4 minutes and 36 seconds, I could see the steam coming out of the bathroom causing me to die of laughter. I don't care I was loud he looked red and the bathroom looked destroyed, the only thing to come out of his mouth was "what was my time, YES!" He danced around the room and started laughing with me.
We both calmed down and he crawled to bed and got in the same position as last night, we put our phones on charge and turned off the lamp bringing us to complete silence. I was playing with his hair and he was playing with my sleeves, I yawned then Nick did too. He looked up at me and brung himself over my body then leaned down and kissed me very strongly, much different than before and this felt way better than before. We pulled away and he went back to his old position.
N- "goodnight princess"
Y/n- "goodnight love"
It was quiet for a couple short seconds.
N- "I love you."
My heart definitely jumped out of my body and was pounding, Nick laughed and looked up at me.
Y/n- "I love you more"
N- "oh shut uppp, go to bed"
I laughed and my head to the side and let my eyes fall to rest with a smile plastered across my face.
A/n- AYO AYO I DONT KNOW IF THIS WILL MAKE OR BREAK YOUR HEART BUT I APOLOGIZE IF IT BREAKS YOU THATS NOT MY INTENTION anyway guess what guess what. >:)
Dream x reader is published;)
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With You - sapnap x reader
Fanfiction(TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM) How do two people make it by themselves? they don't until they meet each other. Y/n struggles with past trauma and self harm, one day her life starts to pick itself up when she bumps into Nick at school.
