summary: Harry and Simon spend a suspicious amount of time with each other after filming
Football videos were always my favourite to film, especially when all of the sidemen were there. I think it's because they reminded me of when I was younger and all of us first started filming together. Those are some of my happiest memories actually, messing around with all of the guys with only a camera and a football. We couldn't always use the footage we got but I don't think any of us really cared.
Times changed however and nowadays we couldn't afford to spend hours messing about with no content. The videos we made became more professional and now we had a whole team dedicated to producing videos for our group channel. Don't get me wrong - I was extremely proud of how far we had come and often it felt pretty surreal. I just thought sometimes that our videos now felt less.... authentic. The overdramatic editing style was what drew people to our channels in the first place and now that had been replaced by a more clean and sophisticated finish. I never actually told any of the guys I felt this way though because I saw for myself the effort they all put in to make the videos the best they possibly could be. Josh would spend hours on the phone to people I had never met and people that didn't really understand us but it was so that they would let us use their space and their fancy equipment. As the years passed more and more people helped behind the scenes and I was introduced to a constantly increasing team of professionals who were actually legally employed by us. All the other guys adapted fairly quickly - but I was oddly attached to our old style.
But after I've said all of that, occasionally, maybe once or twice a year we would end up shooting a couple more old fashioned videos. We still filmed on much more expensive cameras and all of us looked kind of different but it was the closest I got to recreating my first times ever with the guys. And I always got weirdly nostalgic when we filmed like this, although I would have never admitted it. I think part of the reason I was so attached to the memories I had from that time is because that was when I met Simon.
I was only 17 and he was 4 years old than me. Everyone was older than me back then, I mean they still are, but I feel old now as well. I wasn't very sure of myself at this point but I knew for certain I found myself weirdly drawn to him. He was always slightly nicer to me, perhaps because he saw me as someone he needed to protect. Or maybe because he was attracted to me like how I was to him. I still don't know honestly. I'm just glad no one ever speculated about us because that probably would have pushed me deeper in the closet. The typically sarcastic and sharp Simon was so much softer around me, he always made a conscious effort to listen to what I had to say despite having no issue talking over anyone else. From an outside perspective I think we probably came across as having a brotherly dynamic in which Simon felt he needed to protect and guide me.
It feels wrong to describe our relationship as "brotherly" now because we have done things that brothers most certainly shouldn't be doing with each other. I remember the first time when both us first realised we felt the same way. It was after filming an updated crossbar challenge and I was definitely in my feelings. Simon wore the same shirt he wore in the original video and for some unexplainable reason that made me want to burst into tears. He noticed something was wrong because as we were packing up he walked slightly awkwardly up to me. I turned my head in response but neither of us said anything for a few moments. Before I could tell him I was just tired, he opened his mouth and invited me to come to Nando's with him and JJ. I remember asking why none of the other guys were coming with us and Simon coming up with some bullshit excuse. It felt so weird, me making Simon flustered. Normally he would be the one to make me blush uncontrollably.
I'm so glad I said yes. That night I was in Simons bed, breathing heavily and trying desperately to be as quiet as I could. I think we were both slightly intoxicated as I can hardly remember the events leading up to that night. All I know is it was one of the best nights of my life. I know Simon enjoyed it as much if not more than me because he planned another night for us to have fun very soon after. All of a sudden he started showing much more interest in our filming schedule and I think Josh decided not to question why. Simon noticed I preferred the football videos we filmed and so he managed to convince everyone else we needed to film more. This only made me fall much more in love with him.
Every time we filmed one of the football videos we would sneak off together at the end, and the first few times no one noticed. It was actually pretty fun keeping everything we did secret. Sometimes during filming we would make eye contact and then smirk at each other before giggling privately to ourselves. One time Ethan noticed me staring at Simon and he slapped my shoulder. I didn't know what to say except for I was tired and had zoned out. I don't know how convincing I actually was but Ethan didn't persist and I internally scolded myself for making my emotions so obvious.
Though clearly we had been doing an alright job at not giving anything away; from what I saw none of the viewers speculated about us. I liked it that way. The only person who suspected something was different was Josh but he never confronted us and Im glad we were able to keep us secret. The only thing that bothered me was when people would ship Simon with other people. To be fair, it's not like I could get annoyed at anyone for doing that - they had no idea he was mine.
