Her Name | pjm

December .C h a p t e r T w e n t y F i v e.

Deafening silence. That was the best example I could use in order to describe the dining room for a couple of minutes. It was so silent, that I could have sworn I heard my own heartbeat. Yet, it spoke a lot. I saw how Dan was weighing the situation, trying to understand if Jimin was implying something, showing honest curiosity or already had some knowledge and was checking if Dan would lie. I saw his brow twitching, whereas Jimin's face was completely still. The twins have shifted their attitudes too, if previously they were playing overprotective brothers, now their true nature was out in the open. Both of them shifted their bodies into an attacking stance, every once in a while looking at Dan, waiting for his orders.

I just sat there and wondered where everything went wrong. What you did wrong, Kieran. If Jimin knows something, it is obviously my fault. No matter how hard I thought, I couldn't pin at least a single slip up, I always managed my emotions and kept up with every lie I told. I lifted my eyes to Jimin again, but he didn't spare me a single glance. My heart was pounding against my ribs, a knot full of anxiety forming in my stomach. This is it. I didn't know, what was worse for me, the fact that Jimin somewhat understands that my family is into something, or that I might lose him right now.

"I will repeat the question. What are you dragging Kieran into?" Jimin spoke again, still keeping his eyes locked with Dan. The latter finally sighed, leaned back and tilted his head. The twins calmed down in an instant too. "I'm not sure I understand." Dan answered. He read through Jimin and chose his stance of defence - ignorance. My brother was always good at reading people, he must have noticed that Jimin was bluffing.

"Dan, I believe it would be best if we'd not pretend anymore. I am not a fool." Jimin shot back with a static voice. He was absolutely frightening. Not a single emotion, not a single falter in the voice, absolute and complete calmness, eyes not wavering once. I saw Dan tensing up a bit, apparently, you couldn't read him too, huh. I knew I had to speak up, but my mouth felt incredibly dry, air was escaping my lungs. "I will need you to be more specific, Jimin." Dan finally spoke. Interestingly enough, even if the situation was highly unfavourable, I saw that Dan couldn't help but feel impressed with Jimin. I wasn't sure if it was because of his bravery or his calmness, but I saw the same twinkle in Dan's eyes as when he brought home the twins. 

Jimin finally smirked and raised his glass again. Still holding the glass in the air, he rested his elbows on the table and leaned in. "You want me to be more specific?" He began talking slowly, still with the same impassive voice, but his face was giving in. I noticed his lips forming a smirk, his eyebrows slowly rising. However this time, instead of pesky playfulness, his face was screaming out sarcasm. "Fine, I'll be more specific. The very first time I heard names Ye-jun and Yu-jun," Jimin pointed with the glass towards the twins, "I got curious, but I wasn't too sure. The names are not too rare. But when they came to pick her up I recognised them. You two really can't blend in, huh?" Jimin grinned, but his eyes remained cold. Dan, on the other hand, tensed up even more. "What do you know?" He finally spoke. Now Jimin leaned back, still twirling the glass in his hand. "I don't know much per se, but anybody that knows somebody in the shade know of the twins. Their fists speak louder than any words, I've heard."

Silence fell upon the room again. Jimin was still giving me the cold shoulder, and I didn't really know what to do. Dan was thinking profusely about how to deal with the situation, whereas the twins were simply waiting for one command. I knew that if Dan would tell them to kill him here and now - they wouldn't hesitate. Move, move, move dumbass, do something now. I slowly raised my hand and tugged on Jimin's shirt. He finally looked at me. "Jimin, please, don't. I don't know what you're misunderstanding-" "Misunderstanding?" Jimin finally raised his voice, still keeping the look on his face sarcastic. "Kieran there is nothing to misunderstand here. You have been lying to me since day one, but I complied. There are things that people tend to keep to themselves, and generally I wouldn't have pried into your personal business. Later I saw how close you were to the twins, but you didn't seem to be involved in their business, so I didn't say anything again." Jimin's voice calmed down, and I could finally hear emotion in his voice - he was hurt. "But then Dan got hurt and you had to go help him. Kieran, what could you help him with that his employees couldn't huh? He owns several casino buildings, surely he is not dealing with them by himself. And it didn't take long for me to understand that whatever was happening in here was eating you up." Jimin swiftly turned away from me and looked at Dan. "Did you even stop and actually looked at her while you were pretending to be hurt? " Dan swiftly opened his mouth but Jimin was quicker. "Oh don't give me the bullshit, ever since you took first sip of the alcohol I could see that your stab wound was not actually hurting anymore. I am studying medicine, for fucks sake. You're playing the victim card, while your sister is breaking apart in front of your eyes, how the hell are you not seeing that?" Jimin started to give into his emotions again. And I saw that Jimin's words affected the trio, all of them looked at me, as if for the first time in years.

"Kieran looks like she's half dead already, she barely sleeps at night, she is always either buried in her university books or doing God knows what here. She is lying to me, and I see that it's eating her up inside. The calls in the middle of the night? The whispers every time you two call?  The fear in her eyes something louder happens around our room? The nightmares that she has in between those few hours of sleep that she gets? I can't stand it anymore." Jimin finally finished, and Dan was taking a second to recollect himself. I simply stared at Jimin with awe. How did he notice this? I mean, of course, the nightmares I couldn't hide, but everything else? I put on my happiest smile at home, I never complained, never asked for help. How could he read me so well?

"Jimin, I'm not sure what you're implying, but Kieran is my sister and I lover her very much, I would never put her-" Dan started, but Jimin cut him off again with a harsh laugh. He quickly recollected himself and spoke with the coldest tone today "I understand that she is your sister and that you love her, but I love her too. And either you tell me what the fuck is going on here, or I will do anything it takes to pull her out. I don't know what you're planning to do, but I will not sit still and watch as she breaks apart in front of my eyes."

I love her too. I love her too. Is this really all you can think about now, dumbass?  Before anyone could speak another word Yu-jun jumped out of his chair and grabbed Jimin by the collar, lifting him closer to his face. "I think you need to be reminded of your place, pretty boy." Yu-jun hissed and threw his fist back, preparing to punch Jimin. Everything slowed down, I felt as if I were watching the scene unfold from aside. I can't tell him. I can't drag him into this. But I also don't want to lose him, and if I would tell him everything, I wouldn't need to lie anymore. I can't make such a decision alone though, but there is no time to discuss it with Dan. I understood, that right now I had to choose a side, and possibly make the other very angry. I saw in the corner of my eye that Dan was about to stand up, his face seemed more angry at Yu-jun for acting on his own  than at Jimin for his harsh words. I couldn't stall any longer, I had a decision to make.

I jumped from my seat. "Let him go. Now." I ordered Yu-jun. His body froze instantly, Dan's attention shifted to me. The twins knew this tone perfectly, I've been leading them and giving everyone orders for a couple of weeks already. True, the decisions were made by Dan, but I was the one delivering them. And apparently, I was good at it. Yu-jun released Jimin's collar and instantly stood back. The whole atmosphere changed, and while everyone was still in a shock, I tried to come up with a plan. You should have done this before you raised your voice, dumbass. Dan recovered first and gave the twins a side eye, to which they lowered their heads. They were in trouble, and they knew it. No matter how you put everything, Dan was still their boss and acting without his word was plainly disrespectful. I took a small glance at Jimin, and his expression petrified me. Everything on his face was screaming betrayal, and it took me a second to understand why. He thought I didn't know. He thought that I wasn't involved, or at least not by my own will. I quickly turned my eyes away from him and sucked through my teeth. Focus, you'll deal with him later.

"Is there something you would like to say, Kieran?" Dan asked choosing his words slowly. He didn't seem angry with me, more so, he seemed curious. I looked at my brother and tried to show him everything through my eyes. Please make a decision Dan, don't make me do this, this is not my responsibility. Please, help. Dan read me perfectly, but he leaned back in his chair and spread his arms out. "The stage is yours, Kieran. Speak." Was he testing me? What was his plan here. I cleared my throat and swallowed. "What Jimin has said.." I began, trying to sound as calm as possible, "was rude, I understand that." I felt Jimin scoff under his breath. "Even so, it doesn't give you any right to start beating him up." Jimin raised his eyes at me and narrowed them, clearly trying to read me through. "He is a guest here. And even if his comments were not said in the most nicest way, they weren't entirely untrue either. However, nobody," I turned to face Jimin, "will be pulling me out of anywhere," I paused, trying to ignore Jimin's betrayed look. I took a deeper breath, "but I also cannot continue to live like this. I cannot keep lying to him, and I don't want to do that anymore." I silently sat down, crossed my arms on the table and looked Dan straight into the eyes. "I am nothing but a temporary measure here, so I will not be making any decisions. But if you want me here, working and sane, you need to make a decision that would benefit us both. In the state that I am now, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this, Dan."