Her Name | pjm

February .C h a p t e r T h i r t y S e v e n.

The first thing I felt was heavy pain at the back of my neck. For a moment I felt very dizzy and couldn't understand where I was or what I was doing. I slowly opened my eyes and saw darkness surrounding me. After blinking a couple of times, my body adjusted and I realised that I was laying on the ground in our apartment, it was already dark outside. Slowly, still a bit weak, I sat up and looked around, trying to comprehend what was going on. I lifted my self with my hand and felt a sharp pain in my palm. I quickly lifted it and saw blood. I had cut myself into one of the glass pieces of the frame.

Frame. The pictures. Jimin.

Memories started to rush over me, and I placed my hand on my mouth. He lied to me. He tricked me. I quickly grabbed my chest and felt the absence of the pendant. He stole the key. For a couple of seconds I simply sat on the floor, unsure of what to do next. The feeling of complete betrayal overtook me, and I quickly understood that the happy future I imagined with him disappeared like a mirage. Not able to control it, I allowed the tears to fall. My heart was hurting, it felt like someone was stabbing it repeatedly. The past six months of my life was a complete lie. Jimin's love was a lie. I've been used, and tricked, and manipulated, and still the only thing I could think about was the absolute and undeniable hurt of a ripped out heart. Not able to control it, I clutched my chest with my hands and started to wail. All of the emotions were overtaking me at once and for the first time there was no one to calm me down, nobody to turn to. At this moment I realised how much faith I held in Jimin for my own mental well being. Every time I felt like slipping he would be there to catch me. But not anymore. Because he lied. Because he used me. The unbreakable stream of hurt started to intertwine with anger. Still crying, I managed to lift myself back on my feet, cutting my palms deeper. I walked over to my phone and struggled to locate Dan's name through the blurred vision. Finally managing to call him, I waited for his answer.

"Hey! What's up?" He answered smilingly and I just stood there, not being able to speak a word. I understood, that I will have to admit that my decision to trust in him will be the reason for my families downfall, and anger started to rise higher. Little by little, my tears stopped falling and I started to repress any emotion that I had. "Kieran? You ok?" Dan asked again, this time a bit worried. "Five is the mole." I spoke. I surprised myself with the coldness of my tone. Pain was starting to release me, complete numbness taking over. "What?" Dan exhaled. "Five is the mole. Find him." Dan didn't ask anything else, I heard him scream out for Ye-jun and giving him orders to bring Taehyung. I started to realise that time was of essence here. "Have you located the locker?" I asked coldly. "No, Kieran, what the hell is going on?" Dan yelled out. I took a deep breath. "Five is the mole. Five is also Jimin's best friend. He fooled me, he's working for Hammer. He stole the key." I reported, as if with someone else's voice. The other end of the line kept silent, and I understood that Dan was processing everything I just said. I heard him inhale, wanting to tell something, but Ye-juns voice interrupted him. "He's missing. He's not in the house." I heard Ye-jun yell out. I simply lowered my arm, understanding that the fight was lost. We were going to lose everything. I looked at my watch and understood that it's already been about few hours since Jimin knocked me out. That's plenty of time for him to bring the key to Hammer. We lost. And it was my fault.

"Kieran, come here ok? Ye-jun and I will ride out, we'll drive around every corner if we need to but we'll find them. Five was here not too long ago, he couldn't have gotten far. Please don't worry, everything will be fine." Dan was calming me down, but I understood that the search for either of them was as promising as looking for a needle in the haystack. It started to make sense why Jimin was so supportive of finding the mole rather then looking for the will or Hammer. Now we're stuck without the key and any knowledge of both Hammers and wills location. I hummed in agreement and hung up the phone.

Calmly, I walked to the bathroom to wash the blood of my hands. It didn't sting, it didn't burn, I wasn't sure I felt anything at this point. I wasn't sure I was even human. Every single emotion in my body has shut off. The tears had dried out, and when I looked at my eyes in the reflection of my mirror, nothing but hollow emptiness stared back. Without even realising it I broke into a million of pieces, and I wasn't sure if I'll ever be able to collect them back fully.

I called a cab and was ready to go when my phone started to buzz. Sungwoon's name danced on the screen, and I picked it up. "Kieran, I'm so sorry. Dan told me everything, Ye-jun and him drove out to look for them. Are you already on your way?" "No, I'm waiting for the cab." I answered with a voice I couldn't recognise. "Good, cancel it. I'll pick you up myself. I don't want you to be alone now, it's too dangerous. Wait for me." I hummed in agreement again and hung up. I put on my shoes and sat down on the floor next to the entrance to our home. Our home. We were supposed to go on a vacation. We were supposed to be together. He told me he loved me. He promised to stay with me. An involuntary sneer escaped my lips. At least I never told him that I loved him back. At least I still had that.

Sungwoon called me and told me that he was here and I autopiloted outside. He was waiting for me next to his car and as soon as he saw my face everything became clear to him. He quietly opened the passengers doors and allowed me to sit. I simply followed, without even raising my eyes to him. I felt as if I was in a trance, a bad dream, that I couldn't manage to wake up from.

We drove in complete silence. He was focused on the road ahead, I was focused at my own hands. Not really thinking about anything, but at the same time with a million thoughts inside my head. When I lifted my head I saw that we're not too far from my house and a tingle of fear overcame me again. You're going to lose this house. You're going to lose everything. I bit my lip and lowered my head again. All of the emotions that were supressed were threatening to release themselves, and I quickly contained them again. I was not ready to face them. I didn't want to feel the pain, I didn't want to feel the guilt. I simply focused on my anger, naively hoping that somehow my brother will figure everything out.

It took me a few moments to realise, that we drove past our house. I looked through the window and understood that we were going to the abandoned farms and looked at Sungwoon with a puzzled expression. He simply stared ahead. "Where are you taking me?" I asked calmly, but a hint of fear in my voice made me understand, that even if I wasn't actively feeling anything, my body was sensing danger. Sungwoon didn't answer and kept staring ahead. "I asked, where are you taking me?" I asked with the same voice I used on the leads throughout all of our meetings. It was a voice full of authority and confidence, but Sungwoon just laughed. He turned to me and reached his arm out. "Give me your phone." He demanded in a cold tone. A tone I never heard him use. Unable to talk, I simply shook my head in denial. Sungwoon lifted the side of his jacket and pointed at the gun in his belt, I noticed a knife next to it. "Give me your phone, now." Fear was overwhelming me now and my head started to hurt. I wasn't able to process anything at the moment, all of the emotions started to rise at the same time. Subconsciously understanding the situation that I was in I gave him my phone with shaky hands. He instantly grabbed it and threw it outside.

I sat back straight, looking at the road ahead, seeing the farmhouses get closer and closer. I realised that I won't be able to leave that place. Ironically, the most prominent memory that spun around my head while I was being driven to the location of my execution, was Jimin's smiling face.