Tainted (Levi x Reader)

Chapter 6

That night was just as sleepless as usual, but not for the same reasons. You remembered Levi's cold hands on your wrist as vividly as if they were there now, and the way he had allowed you to rest your hand on his shoulder. The way his silky hair fell in front of his eyes.

You tossed and turned, thinking about lunchtime tomorrow with a knot of anxiety in your chest. Why does he care so much, so long as I'm fulfilling my duties as a scout? Wait, why do I care so much? Why am I so nervous? You groaned. Calm down, (Y/n). Captain Levi is a control freak. Of course he'd want to micromanage your life. It's as simple as that.

It was at times like this that you wished you still had Ilse's notebook, even just to hold it. But it had been returned to her father months ago. You knew exactly what she'd say if she could hear your thoughts. You closed your eyes, imagining she was there beside you on your bed.

'You really got it bad for Mr. Clean, huh?' she would probably tease. You immediately shook away the thought, not liking the way it set off that jumble of nerves in your chest.

He's my captain! He would do the same for anyone else in the squad!

That's what you repeated to yourself the next day, at 11:55 a.m., as you knocked on the door to Captain Levi's office.

"Name and business," you heard Levi call.

"Cadet (L/n). Lunch," you said more grudgingly than you intended to.

"Enter." You opened the door, closing it behind you, and stood there for a moment looking down at your boots.

Levi finished the paperwork he was on and set his pen down. He studied you for a moment. "Look at me." You slowly raised your eyes. "Your lunch is over there. Get to it."

Levi tipped his head toward where a couch was placed by a window off to one side. In front of it was a table, and on that sat a tray with a cup of tea, a potato, and some crackers. The daily rations of a scout. Your eyes tracked each other as you approached it and sat down, tension crackling in the air.

To your surprise and appreciation, Levi resumed his work as if you weren't there.

Trying your best to get past your reluctance, you took your time cutting up the potato into smaller and smaller pieces.

"Stop picking at it." Levi's voice startled you. He didn't even look up from his writing as he spoke.

You sent him an indignant glare, but finally started to eat. One bite made you realize just how hungry you were, so it wasn't long before the potato was gone. You started to get up from the couch.

"All of it, Cadet."

You narrowed your eyes and ate the crackers quickly, washing them down with the tea, and setting the cup down heavily to emphasize that you were finished.

"You're dismissed. See you tomorrow at noon." Levi nodded, and you wiped down the table and took the tray with you as you left. You let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding as soon as the door shut behind you.

This schedule continued for another week. Show up. Eat. Leave. Each time you felt less and less nervous, and let go of your initial resentment toward Levi for it. You even began to look forward to going.

A week after that first visit, you were preparing to leave Levi's office after finishing lunch, when he stopped you.

"(Y/n)." You froze with one hand on the doorknob. "Come here."

You sat across from him at his desk and managed to meet his eyes without looking away. "Yes, Captain?"

Levi got up from his chair and rounded the desk, leaning back against the edge of it and looking down at you. "You don't have to come here any longer, but you'd better show up in the mess hall with the rest of us. You need to learn that you can trust your squad, and you can trust me. I know that last year's attack has been on your mind ever since it happened." He paused. "I hope you know that there is no one more capable of helping you put the issue to rest than me. But you have to talk to me first."

Your heart clenched, your hand subconsciously reaching for your wrist to feel the marking there. "I'm sorry, Captain, but you've no idea what you'd be up against."

His steely eyes narrowed. "Try me."

You gave a small, nervous laugh and looked away. "I'd be wise not to. May I be dismissed now?" Your heart was beating at an uncontrollable rate at Levi's proximity.

He studied your flushed face as he tried not to show his increasing frustration. "Do you not trust me?" You shook your head. "Is someone threatening you?" Another head shake. "Then why?"

I don't want you to think less of me, you thought sadly. You bit your lip as you sought a usable excuse, but came up empty. "Please, Captain, may I be dismissed?"

"If you can promise me that you would say something if you were in danger."

You hesitated. "I'm a soldier, our job is naturally full of risk and danger. I cannot make you that promise."

Levi's grip on the edge of his desk tightened. "Tch. I can see I won't get any further right now. Just don't wait until it's too late to say anything. Dismissed."

You nodded without meeting his eyes, and left.