MY DIARY

ENTRY #21

12/30/2020 | 7:40 PM

Writing again feels weird, it's been a while since I wrote stories. It's like I'm walking into the unknown again, trying to find the light switch. I don't know, it's just- it's like a lot of things changed.

I've been drawing and playing the keyboard too. It's nice. But then I've been going down academically. My school requirements, I've been neglecting them. I also am not okzy recently, it's like my depression and anxiety went worse. I don't know why.

To those that even read these entries, do you think I've gotten worse ever since I grew up?

Maybe...

I mean, you guys don't really know much about me, I'm just a stranger on the internet venting on wattpad since she doesn't know anyone she can vent to nor does she want to vent to someone specifically, too risky.

I wish I become better soon. If I don't, I might have to start taking pills or something.

I made new friends recently. I've even started talking to people more. But I'm still a bit haunted by the past like before. I'm trying to fix myself alone and not vent on others but it's not like I can always do that...

Hell, I even fell for someone new yet I think I'm just burdening him with myself. I don't know if I could be with that person. Maybe he'll stop being my friend... who knows. I wish he won't. I also wish tha he won't leave. That he wouldn't....

..he won't die.

... my mother is trying to help me with my depressive episodes, trying to be there for me. I think she's actually trying to help me now..

But I still don't know. I'm still not sure. I still have doubts. I'm scared...

I want to trust people but I can't stop myself from doubting.

Am I really just afraid or is this nonsense? Is this all in my head?

Idk.

When will this end...

I'm currently unwell, I have a cold for at least two days now. It comes during night time and leaves in the afternoon. I also have a headache. My knee hurts too since I tripped on something the other day. Plus.. the fact that I almost stabbed my vein the other day......

Only my mother knows... I think? I'm not sure.

I wanna learn Japanese to write in that language since my family doesn't know how to read Japanese. That would be nice. Or greek, or chinese.