MY DIARY

ENTRY #23

01/04/2020 | 11:56 AM

Truth be told I don't want to continue with school. I honestly don't want to do anything. I want to just.. stop.

.... I'm tired.

He wants me to continue and stuffs, telling me he's been dealing with stuffs. Idk, I just feel like no matter how much I say that I'm tired, people don't really listen. I want to take a break because I never had one. I was always thinking. People suggest me things but it never works because after a while I'd stop doing their suggestion.

I just want someone to be with me... I just want things to be easy for once.

I want to just drink pills, to sleep a lot, isolate myself again. I don't know. People always expecting something from me, what if I don't want to study anymore? What if I don't want to go to school anymore? What if I don't want to continue with this life anymore? I can't calm the thoughts in my head. The past that keeps on haunting me. The damn dude I tried to forget.

I've been having nightmares while I'm awake. Suddenly crying silently when no one is looking or I'm alone.

Having the urge to just hurt myself and punish myself and people would tell me to stop, but how will I stop? I don't see anything that makes me feel the same way. Put it on my hobbies? I've tried but sometimes my hobbies aren't on my mind. It's just pure darkness. Loneliness. Blank. Empty.

I just want to give up. But I can't.. everyone tells me to continue.

I hate it.

I just want a hug... a long time where nothing reminds me of the past and anything else. I just want to have a break where I don't think too much or where I don't think at all.

As if I can do that...

Been greedy for calls, asking my friends for calls.

They say it's okay but I feel like they really aren't. I overthink. I just... idk..

It sucks.