MY DIARY

Entry #22

12/31/2020 |  6:00 PM

It's evening here, and morning to him. I want to call him, to chat him, see him. But I know I can't, he's far and he's probably asleep since he's been in pain ever since yesterday. I want him to continue resting but I always want more time with him. I mean... I'm usually surrounded by people but sometimes I just start to miss him.

Never knew I'd experience this kind of thing.

Wish I can celebrate new years with him, celebrate Christmas, Valentines, and any other holiday there is. Or just have a day with him.

... I'm feeling lonely again am I? .... I mean, I have people to talk to yet I'm still not satisfied.

I know I can just.. try to appreciate what I have now, just be patient until I can actually be with him and talk to him and all that stuffs. Just... sometimes I get impatient. Sometimes I feel scared that he'd leave after a while. That I won't be able to be with him since something bad might happen.

I don't like having these thoughts. I don't like thinking a lot. I don't like feeling like a child usually... it's weird...

I don't know if from everything I went through something made a lafge impact on me and made me this way. Still, I dislike it.

Maybe I should try pills.... but then based off what I've heard, that won't do good once you stop taking them.

I should be okay now, I'm not a child anymore... but why do I still feel like one? I'm supposed to act like an adult... supposed to be responsible.. how come.....