Suburban Vampire: Redemption, Book II: Leviathan

Chapter 34

"What the fuck?" Elizabeth roared as she peeked from behind the headstone that protected her from an onslaught of projectiles. "Who are these motherfuckers?"

"What?" Scott responded. "You think I know? They seem to be shooting at both of us!"

"Oh, no shit, Sherlock!" Again, she peered out from behind the stone. "I count three of them. Automatic weapons with suppressors. These guys are pros. Real slick. They know what they're doing."

"Really? Well, maybe you should stop admiring them and help me come up with a way to beat them!"

"Oh yeah? You know, it would be easier if I had my guns, which I left in front of the rectory because you threw me over here into this fucking graveyard! Nice throw, by the way."

"Really? Thanks!"

"Now's not the time to get a big head. I'll bet those are warheads they're shooting at us."

"How can you tell?"

"I can't, numbnuts. It's an educated guess."

"Well, there's only one way to tell, for sure."

Scott slowly raised his left hand over the top of the tombstone. As he did so, one of the would-be assassins let forth a burst from his weapon. One of the rounds struck Scott's hand.

"Son of a bitch!" Scott roared as he immediately pulled his burning paw back behind the stone. The wound was bloody and steaming. "Ah, shit! It's a warhead, all right!"

"Well, no shit. That was pretty damn stupid, Scott."

"How was I to know? The last few times I've been shot, it didn't hurt like this!"

"That's what a warhead is designed to do, Scott: hurt vampires! Here, let me see it." Scott reached his aching, smoking, bloody hand toward Elizabeth. She grabbed it and started looking it over. "It's a through-and-through. It may hurt like a motherfucker now, but the good news is, you'll get over. That is, assuming you don't do any more stupid things."

"I guess it serves me right, huh?"

"For being a dumbass? Yeah, it does."

"I mean, for shooting you with warheads."

"Scott, we've been over that. It wasn't you. I know that!"

"I still feel bad about it."

"Well, get over it and move on, already. Now, how do we take these guys out?"

Scott looked around. He noticed a couple ghosts wandering aimlessly about the graveyard. They did not seem interested in or even bothered by the gunfire. "Hey, ghost!" Scott quietly called, "Ghosty! Yeah! Ghosty! Come here!" A couple of the misty spirits slowly approached Scott and Elizabeth. "Hey, guys," Scott said to them, "there are some bad guys shooting at us. I was wondering if you could do us a solid and go down there and distract them. Is that something you can do?"

The two ghosts gave each other blank stares, but otherwise just remained there. "Hey, you transparent dickheads," Elizabeth growled, "do something useful for once. Get your ghostly asses down there and distract those assholes. What are you staring at? Don't just float there, get to it!" The ghosts shrugged, then started floating toward the source of the gunfire. Scott gaped at Elizabeth. "What?" She snapped. "It takes finesse!"

"I don't think that word means what you think it means. Anyway, when those guys get freaked out by the ghosts, we make for the church."